Judge — May 15, 1897 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DECISIONS HANDED DOWN. MAN is more apt to die of broken vanity than of a broken heart. Temperament is the angle of vision. Jealousy is the mother-in-law of selfishness. Nagging is allopathic scolding in homeo- pathic doses. People who are wedded to their art some- times get a divorce without asking for it. Resignation is ap angel with clipped wings. When Gossip takes snuff Friendship sneezes. The depth of a hurt is the measure of caring. sivevee nee, SUSPICION. HAVE observed.” said Mrs. Simpkins, * that the old men who sit in the front rows are mostly bald-headed. 1 have also observed that the most of the bishops have bald heads. This shows that extremes of evil or of good affect the hair. And it seems to me that the reason some men keep their hair so well is that they mix their good and their bad in pretty even quantities, and I think I detect the odor of spice.” But Mr. Simpkins was snoring and the observations ended. ALIKE, BUT DIFFERENT. Teacher —* Now, boys, can any of you tell me what is a lake” Patsy — Sure, it’s a hole in the kittle.” “THE BOOMER. A WONDERFUL man is he, With more than a prophet's light. Where others can only see Mere barrenness and blight He views futurity With sapient second sight. Square miles of wilderness Become to his subtle eyes Gardens designed to bless ‘One who examines—and buys ; One who can properly guess ‘The path to a paradise What are swamps and forests and wold» Deserts and dreary glooms ? What, visions of cramps and colds, Kheumatisms and rheums, To him who blithely beholds Invisible birds and blooms ? He is not darkly blind ; Ie fears no Gordian knots. There is eloquent faith behind 1is magical plans and plots. ‘The waste has grown in his mind To the glory of city lots. A city shall here be bora— ‘A Mecca for homeless men ; And here they shall wield the scorn Of the purse-proud While the unbeliever shall mourn For the fortune he sniffed at then. GRONGH EDGAR MONTGOMERY, wust taste I ever saw. pintin’ jist t° other way.” Peddler Ike, Defective sight, Scorching Mike. Inevitable strike, en, POINTING THE WRONG Way. “Tsay, Maria, T think thet ‘ere stone the widder Jedgin’ by what I know uv A SATISFACTORY TURN OF AFFAIRS. WELL PROTE “Come in out of the wet. “Tdon't have to; my name is McIntosh.” THE PRESSMAN’S ERROR. N SWINTON’S elementary geography, used in the schools of this state, is a picture of “Cod fishing on the banks of Newfoundland,” showing a dory with half a dozen men in oil-skins, hauling the fish into the boat. A small boy, somewhat simple in mind, had a book which was rather poorly printed, and he astonished his teacher, in a western New York school the other day, by walking up and saying, “ Miss S., which one of those men in the rubber coats is God ?” “Why, Charlie!" replied the astonished pedagogue, * what do you mean?” “There it is,” the lad re- torted," God fishing on the banks of Newfoundland. I'd like to know which one is God.” The teacher explained that the trouble arose from the blur- ring of the word cod, but up to the present the boy has an unde- fined notion that the teacher fooled him in the explanation and that God did really throw out a line for cod on the grand = banks. THE VITAL QUESTION. ITHIN a darkened room and still A battered woman slept ; Her friends that gathered from afar Now softly sighed or wept ; Delirious, her spirit told Of shock and carnage dire, Of charge and clatter, dash’ and smash, Of din, of death and fire. Anon bright consciousness re- turned, And these first words she spoke Unto that throng of weeping friends, “Say, did my wheel get broke?” Jo Js MEEHAN, inks has jist put up is in the inks, thet ‘ere hand orter be Lively fight, Awful plight, Ike's all right, Got the bike. comicbooks.com