Judge, 1897-05-01 · page 10 of 18
Judge — May 1, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains several distinct satirical pieces: **"No Popery"** mocks Boston's elite women ("Boston Sapphos") who traveled to Rome. The joke: Pope Gregory I supposedly called English women "angels"; thirteen centuries later, when refined Bostonians visited, the Pope supposedly called them "angles"—a pun suggesting they were angular and unattractive rather than beautiful. **"The Dog-Barber"** humorously describes the absurdity of wealthy pet owners grooming their poodles to fashionable excess, with manicures and Parisian perfumes—satirizing class pretension through pet care. The dialect-heavy comic vignettes ("Getting His Money's Worth," "The Cause of It") use working-class Irish and African-American speech patterns typical of period humor, depicting domestic situations with economic struggle. **"From Judge's Dictionary"** offers cynical definitions: "Annexation" as diplomatic theft (likely referencing American imperial expansion), and "Machete" as an instrument severing Spanish colonial ties—contemporary political commentary on imperialism. The overall tone reflects *Judge*'s satirical stance on wealth disparity, American imperialism, and class pretension.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Dusty Dootan Corpreet Cornn chock full uv de emptiness uv dat gift.” “NO POPERY.” Dedicated te the author of * Degeneration.” 6S NJO ANGLES these, but angels !"—so exclaimed ‘That ancient pope, Gregorius the first, When on his sight, as so he heard them named, Old England's type of human beauty burst. Behold when thirteen hundred years have gone !— To be exact, ‘twas some time in last fall— New England's fairest, thanks to Cook, were drawn To stop in Rome and pay the pope a call. ‘These Boston Sapphos Leo closely eyed— ‘The rounded lines of beauty they had not— And, gazing on each contour sharp, he cried, ** All angles here! No angels in the lot !" NG MICKLEN, squandering the money you win and worrying over that you lose. The only successful gam- bler is he whose profits are as- sured before he begins to play. Antiquity A time which produced many men who were great because they had the first say on most matters. And who, if they happened to be right, are glori- fied for their A GELTING HIS MONEY'S WORTIL Mxs, Ketty —"* Finnegan ‘s droonk an’ 1 woife,”” Mrs. Raby —" Vis; he's goin’ to confission t'-mor- row, an’ wants git his money's worth genius; ard, if in’ his PERVERSE PROVIDENCE. Providence is a great blessin’, Corney. It takes appertite from de rich. who would give anyt'ing ter regain it.”* — "Yes, an’ gives appertite ter de poor, who would give anyt'ing ter git rid uv it, an’ can't. Don’t tork ter me; I'm MIS EXISTENCE WAS A DREADFUL BORK. Gamble— The pursuit of games of chance which is now frequently invested of respectability by the stock-exchanges of metropolitan cities. It consists principally in less'n yo' teks yo" knee off'n mah co'n, Mistah Jonsing.” THE DOG-BARBER. THEIR tresses he trims in a marvelous way, And be curls them and combs and pomades them, they say, And he puts up their tails into pampas-like plumes — With a dash here and there of Parisian perfumes. Then he manicures neatly their velvety paws, And he trims with precision their delicate claws, And he gathers his liberal fee with a smile— This artist who barbers these poodles of style. ALORNT RIGELOW PAINE. FROM JUDGE'S DICTIONARY. Annexation — N diplomatic term for inter- national theft. Machete—An instrument of freedom, destined to sever the last link binding the Spaniard to the new world. Date—Definite points of time which most people can remember tolerably until they are placed on the witness-stand, an air gi THE CAUSE OF IT. Mr. Jonsinc —" W'y yo! mek er face laik dat w'en I p'opose, Mis’ Bebe?" MiSs Bere: (agonizediy) —"* Ah kain't gib yo’ offah propa considerashun comicbooks.com