Judge — April 17, 1897 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

udpe. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK, TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. ONITRD STATRS AND CANADA IN ADVANCE, One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5. One cop: Inclading the Cunistmas Juoce. FORRIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS —To alt ——— Soreien countries im the postal union, $0.00 ‘a year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupcE BuiLpiNc), Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. 6 Cirew im larger than any other cartoon weekly in the world. (NOTICE TO PURLISHERS.—The contents of June are protected by copy- right in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. WE LOOK upon Mr. Gary, postmaster-general, with his eight daugh- ters, as a bloated monopolist. TO MR. SALISBURY—Go to your uncle, Mr, Gladstone, you slugger, and see if you can’t learn how to be wise. LL WAR SITUATIONS in Europe tend to the slaughter of Chris- tians and the protection of Turks. Wherefore does God rule? D8: BRIGGS isanti-Jonah. Pray do not whisper it, however. Let Jonah lose every friend he has, but do not let us have a new Briggs trial. ASKING NO QUES- TIONS as to the fun he is missing, we consider it amazing that Neal Dow should have safely passed his ninety-third birthday, M*: IRVING and Miss Terry are gently re- minded of a good old Dem- ocratic motto that used to be very popular here—" United we stand; divided we fall.” THE QUESTION as to what to do with our ex- senators need not be present ed. If they can’t raise pota- toes they can at least report prize-fights for the news- Papers. Mxs. Casey. ‘An’ phwy ? THE BICYCLE I now under discussion. It appears that it is not adapted to dancing; but perhaps the greater trouble is that it puts itself too persistently on exhibition, A KANSAS PAPER says Mr, Ingalls is a living skeleton with a rubber neck. If this is a fact Mr. Ingalls ought to be more conspicuous as a curiosity than he was as a senator. \ THE PAUPER may pride himself on his blood and his methods of living. We learn, for instance, that a Chinaman was taken into the Kings-county poor-house, and sixty-seven occupants of the place left in high dudgeon the very next day. ¥: YOUNG JEWESS of this town paid to an agent in behalf of matri- mony twenty dollars for a husband, and within three days demanded her money back on the ground that the accepted goods were not as war- ranted. It is a solemn fact that women have no respect for the sacredness of business contracts. T MAY be necessary to arbitrate the differences between William Wat- son and Alfred Austin, ‘The former condemns England to the lowest depths, and the latter, as in duty bound, lifts her on the wings of song to the highest skies. Mr. Austin has a pretty hard time of it, but it may be said for him that no preceding laureate has earned his money half as faithfully. AN EXCELLENT REASON Casky—" Oi'll wurk no more fer thot mon Dolan.” ‘tis an account av a remark thot he made t’ me.” Phwat did he say?" Sez he, * Pat, yer discharged."" A SOCIAL HORROR. HERE HAS ARISEN a mania to fall in love with handsome land- ladies and throw them out of upper-story windows. Two remedies are suggested, either of which ought to be efficacious —let the boarder pay his board, and let the landlady practice on burglars until she becomes an accomplished athlete. THE FEW AND THE MANY. [N THE MAKING OF LAWS more than a few persons must be con- sidered. It is not well to shoot down the entire human race in order to kill a few offending portions of it. The church is a good thing not- withstanding the hypocrites who belong to it; and the printing business is a respectable calling regardless of the fact that there are bad newspapers and bad books. THE CONFIDENCE OF YOUTH. HE YOUNG MEN of some of the Christian associations are trying to snub Dr. Abbott and passing resolutions reading him into outer darkness, There is a smack of old-fashioned orthodoxy in that, includ- ing a good deal of its brimstone; and if the doctor doesn’t immediately declare that he believes that which he doesn’t believe he will find himself surrounded by some very dangerous theological explosives. A CATASTROPHE IMMINENT. T IS DREADFUL to reflect that Mrs, Lease has become a socialist. Hers is not a large head, and it was sufficiently stuffed when she was merely a populist, ‘Io be Sure there is little difference between the two crazes, socialism being a continuance of the other on broader and more destructive lines. But when it is added that the lady is likewise an ardent bicyclist and a follower of New York fashions the climax is capped. There are too many bees in that bonnet and there will be a calamity soon. THE CARLIST PAPA. THE ELOPEMENT of one of the daughters of Don Carlos decided that gentle- man to marry off the others; and a few days ago one of them was married and the engagement of the other was announced. Therefore it is urged that Don Carlos is en- cumbered with nothing but politics, has cleared the decks for action, and the uprising of the Carlists had better be- gin. But, while a father may order matrimony, revolutions are beyond the control of im- aginary kings. They are curi- ously independent, and either whistle themselves or remain quiet of their own volition. POLITICAL FOOLS. SOME POPULISTS of the middle-of-the-road kind had a meeting three hours long in Denver recently. It was for the most part a free fight, and women were in the thick of the whole of it, A woman said she wouldn't a hireling of the corporations, and the man so called said she was a liar, Her husband pitched into the man; and thereafter blood and language flowed most copiously, There were a dozen fights on as many topics, and in every case women were the aggressors. There is but one way. If ‘women must go into politics men who want to be safe must go out of it. THE PURITY OF SLANG. SE WISE PERSONS who urge correctness in dialect are thought- y urging correctness of the intentionally incorrect. A writer speaks of the difference between the Tenderloin and the Bowery dialects of this city; whereas there is little or no difference except as words are newly clipped or elongated or invented in one or the other of those locali- ties, or perhaps in both. Dialect is largely the result of environment; but more of it is made by writers than the characters they invent ever dreamed of. The dialect of Sam Weller is wonderfully funny, but only Mr. Dick- ens could have swapped the w's and the v's with such excellent effect, and no other Englishman ever did it, We have a fond affection for the phil- ological wisdom that insists on correctness in dialect and in the various other kinds of spilled milk and broken crockery. it wit comicbooks.com