Judge — April 10, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HIS TEST. Ocutist—"' Heavens! what are you doing ?” ALKAL! Ike —"* Didn't yer put thet kyard up thar ter see if these glasses wuz suited ter my eyes ?” OcuList—" Yes.” ALKAL Ike — (Bang! bang !) Waz-al, thet’s w'ot I'm goin’ ter find out.” AT WASHINGTON. ND you say you can’t give me this office ?” “No, sir; I cannot.” “ Not even after I worked three months for the party and walked more ‘n fifty miles, carryin’ torches and gittin’ my clothes ruined and shoutin’ my throat sore ?”” “No, sir; not even after that.” “Not even after I worked all day clection- day and stayed up all night and had four fights with a free-silver lunatic and raised money ona chattel mortgage to come all the way to this old city, where it costs a dollar to look at a sand- a wich?” “No, sir; not even then.” " Now look here, mister. I walked all over the county to get these names to this petition, saying I am a good party man and the appoint- ment would give satisfaction to everybody. Don’t that go “ It does not, “And you're goin’ to see all these good voters disappointed — goin’ to throw away a chance to make a whole county happy "— “We cannot help it, sir; and we are very busy, The civil-service rules ANGELINA'S M ISTAKE. - SERIOUS APPREHENSION. Jones —** What an infernal fool I was to merely take out limited accident insur- ance yesterday !” “The thunder it does! Then what's a free-born American citizen to do?— can’t git an office on account of civil service—can’t git his expenses back on account of constitution—can’t do nothin’ but “— “Go back home. “All right, sir. All right. I'll go; but if this administration ain’t a success it won't be my fault. Idone my duty. I come all the way here, and every time I eat one of your old sandwiches 1 can hear that mortgage drawin’ interest so hard that I git shortness of breath.”* A NIGHT PIECE, LIKE lotus-leaves within a broad lagoon, \ Sun-painted clouds along the west repose ; One bird is singing fainter to the close Of day's decline ; and in the east the moon Climbs heaven's fair trapeze ; his loud bassoon Some insect twangs beneath a tent-like rose, By dusky rays a drowsy fire-fly shows In echoed lights of shadowed plenilune. Behind night-closing portals in the gloom The bee is sleeping by its wealth untold ; And right and left, as with a viewless loom, The lily-spires amid the shadows hold Aloft their musky daggers of perfume, ‘To stab the air beneath their shields of gold ! ALONZO LRORA HICK. at's what you run up against every- where. Now say, mister; just tell me where I can find a cheap lawyer, 1 want to sue the government.” “ The constitution forbids that.” “ | ANukLINA—"*L can hear the dear boy stop- ping.” Barn ANGELINA — There's dear Edwin coming along—I sh we hadn't quarreled. How can I make him speak? I'll drop my handkerchief ; he'll be sure to pick it up and then he'll have to speak. ANGEL his dear voice IN A BARBER-SHOP. Barber (putting on finishing touches) — “ What'll you have on your head ?° Customer—" A little more hair, please ** Oh, dearest ! I'm sorry "—— FRAYED FAGIN—" Ef ye're struck on me mug me peach, yer kin hev me fer keeps; ef yer ain't yer kin hev yer ‘aadkercher fer a quarter.” comicbooks.com