Judge — March 27, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uage IN WASHINGTON. PULLING THE BELLE. HE belle of Sunset avenue, All peachy, pink and sweet, In joli Tam O'Shanter hat Is burning down the street. That she’s an expert cyclist Is easy quite to tell, For the bell is off the handle And her hand is off the bell. ‘The belle of Sunset avenue Is speeding with the wind ; A bicycle-detective-man Is wheeling up behind. She glances back—she knows the man; an 1S That's easy, quite, to tell. A TERRIBLE DEATH. For her hands are’ on the handles, Pervtant Turktss —"* S'pose dey wuz goin’ ter execute yer; which would yer choose fer de quickes’ death 7” Greasy Guistes —* I guess I'd git ‘em ter wash me.” A ROLAND FOR AN OLIVER. Sankey—" Don't you think you were a trifle too long-winded, Moody ?” Moody—" No, Sankey ; but I thought you were putting on too many airs.” But his hand is on the belle. CY WARMAK. OF NO USE, OU can secure her acquittal on the ground that she is a klepto- maniac, can’t you ?” said the prisoner's husband to his lawyer. “Tam afraid not,” replied the attorney. You have ad- mitted that you are in very moderate circumstances.” SOMETIMES IT HAPPENS SO. OHNSON missed his train for the city the other night, and when he entered the little village barber-shop he looked no uglier than he felt. “Cut it without,” he growled as he took his place in the single chair. “ Without conversation, you know. Don’t want any whisker- dye. Don't want any hair-restorers, scalp-invigorators, dandruff- eradicators, face-lotions, potions, or any other blame stuff you bar- bers recommend. 1 know perfectly well that Iam growing bald, and I want to be; I was born that way and so was my father. All our family were; runs in the blood. My views on free silver are absolutely fixed, and I have no views on religion or "—— Here one of the loungers in the shop nudged Johnson's elbow, “ You'll have to write it down, on his slate, mister,” he said, “ef ye want to tell him anything. He hain’t heerd a word ye said. He's deef and dumb.” CHOLLY'S RABBIT. AN AWFUL THOUGHT. Weary Raggles—"\ guess de religious people hev done us at last.” Wandering Willie—" How's dat, pard?” Weary Raggles —" W'en 1 realize dat I've fed me face on nuthin’ but a piece 0° col’ mince sence dis time yisterd’y, de horrible suspicion Pun shot a thing ; beastly nuisance.” cums over me dat I'm keepin’ Lent.” 2, CHOLLY—"A wabbit.” (Bang /) pany scored a dismal failure last evening.” about such a catastrophe ?” _ Ltry and do my duty wherever I may be, “* Been out all day and haven't 3- THE RADBIT—"* Lan’s sakes, wad's dat?” Cramp that Ab! will prev Emplo you may I'd worm goon ick-ake. Ttisa with che ing Dr. genuine, DAINIY FEET UNAPPRECIATED, Cuicaco neau —‘* The Lakefront amateur opera com- Miss Bueeze—" Indeed ? What did they*present tobring Ciicaco Beau —"* Cinderella.” HOW IT WAS DONE. ] A&t,the jolly captain of this elevator-car, With a natty uniform and a regulation star. I swing the motor lever and call the stations out, And notice all proceedings and what they are about. So, all aboard. Shut the door, Up we take a flight, Banker Ford? Second floor—two doors to the right. He has a charming daughter and a fortune big of gold, With a frown for every suitor to the maiden, I am told. Tam meeting many people in my journeys day by day, And size them up so quickly as they come and go away. Some may have a romance and others two and three, But I often find them out when they come and ride with me. So step inside. Take a seat. Downward fast we go. Lawyer Johns? Landing three—left hand, just below. He hasn't got much practice and is without a red. But he loves the charming daughter of the wealthy Ford, it's said. Some ride with me for pleasure while some do ride for gain, And some because preferring a perpendicular train. While others, oscillating in an atmosphere of strife, Are contented if transmitted by the ups and downs of life So upwe go. Reverend Smith? You were just in time. Second floor, Here comes Miss Ford, and she is look- ing fine. Landing third, Mr. Johns, Funny meeting this. Wonder if my little car transfers to realms of bliss? And get a tip quite often with my mod If I can aid the public I do it with a Ab, thank you, sir. Go tothe top? A new five-dollar bill. Stop a moment. Minister joins them hand in hand— Second-floor signal ringing a savage countermand, But the little elevator is above parental strife ; ‘The ring is on her finger and—they are man and wife, SHERMAN D. RICHARDSON, salary. ill — 4. THE RABRIT—" L'il teach yo ter go gunnin’ fer cullered ladies, yo" po' little white. trash dude.” comicbooks.com