Judge — March 13, 1897 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A MODEST GENTLEMAN. RAY forgive me, baron,” said the fair American, “It hurts me deeply to pain a fellow-creature—to crush the life out of aman, as it were. But I have resolved to marry only in my own country. I am not so vain as to think that all ~ titled foreigners are seeking me for my money, but I have my own sentiments. The world must not think that 1 marry for foreign position.” The baron sighed deeply and fixed his gaze upon a perforation in his shoe-sole. “You may be right, madam; you may be right. Our nobility demand too much. They have no conscience. Now I, myself—I am not over am- bitious. I have associated with philosophers and have learned better than to place a fictitious value either upon glittering metal or ancient lineage. Madam, you have a pretty maid. I am told you are quite attached to her. Possibly out of the abundance of your great wealth you might feel moved to do something handsome for her if she should choose to become an ornament to an ancient house. As I said, I am modest in my expectations, and a few thousand a year, now "— ‘The baron paused. The lady rang for her maid and took up her pen. A less sensible person might have been offended, but she knew too well the value of veracity and plain dealing to let it.go unrewarded. Result, two souls were satisfied and the lady was spared to further usefulness, OSI RAN, WILLING TO COMPROMISE. Lawyer—"" It the ‘squire caught you in the barn-yard with the tur- key I don t see what defense you can make.” Uncur FowLEx—" Proobe an allybi, sah.” LAWYER (in surprise)—" How?" Unctz Fowier — "W'y, I beliebe dat wuz de same tu'key dat wuz stole frum me couple ob nights befoah.” LAWYER (aghast)—'* You don't intend to accuse the ‘sguire of theft?" Unctz Fowier— ‘No, sah. Fo! de sake ob his fambly I am willin’ toe drap de mattah raight heah.”” THE VERY SAME, +4 THIS is not the umbrella I lent you six months ago,” remarked Tenspot as he surveyed the article Whiffet had returned. “Oh, yes, it is,” replied Whiffet. “I've had it re-covered and a new handle inserted, but it is the very same umbrella.” PENANCE. Cora—" How do these rich women who deliberately go out west after a divorce manage to come back with such easy consciences?” AU BARNYARD SOCIETY .FROST? Merritt—" Alter a New York society woman has lived in Oklahoma for Beau Brawata (harshly) —"* Go ‘way from me, Ethel! You've been three months she must feel that she has suffered enough to entitle her to a peckin’ into them onions again. divorce." A DISASTROUS “LYNCHING” DEDUCTION. * Now, Uncle Ike, remember that. being east, you are com- UNcLE Ike Woot (vociferously)—"* String me/ Sufferin’ hambone! whar paratively a tenderfoot ; so. at the club to-night, if any of the fellahs air they?" (Zableau.) attempt to ‘ string’ you, you musta’t"—— comicbooks.com