Judge — March 6, 1897 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mielge A LULLABY. (Un the original baby-talk.) OTOTEEPINS. Toreittie wizit, tepecious, ighteyesup, Mammatay wigit inhere Dereseittie tootie tickin, Detallcoly—putebat t Dese mamma havetopute Pecious ineittietat ! Toveittie baregs up. Dototeepins, dototeepins, Dototeep myittieone, Detepaddies down allwarmy, Ittie pecious ittieone, Dotebugger inenosy, Matebaby tnuffletome, Nevemindit, mamma detit, Coochewoochee! oute- < tome! Ittieyes have donetodezzer, Matechills up mamma tweep Tosinko osi Bessit, bessit ! donetoteep. DAVID M, TALMADGE. PERFECTION STILL. LACKING. Gargoyle (at the theatre)—" This house has as fine a'stage as ever I saw.” Gummey—"S , there are flies on it.” THE, POSTAGE-STAMP PEDDLER. THE postmaster-geseral has authorized letter-carriers to supply themselves with postage-stamps for the convenience of the people along their routes. This is the cigarette-fiend that prom- ised his parents that he would never allow another cigarette to touch his lips. WHERE | COME IN, OVE ne'er hath so emboldened me ‘That I could gently touch her hair, But with rough hands March brazenly ‘Takes liberties and license there And makes incessantly to cheat Love of his very own emprise, ‘When Bernice ventures on the street, By throwing dust into her eves. From the blue pompon in her toque Down to the hem of skirts perverse ‘These winds run riot and provoke Me to green jealousy—and worse! They fan her fair skin till it glows, But I'm—with confidence I speak— The peer of any wind that blows At painting roses on her cheek. EDWARD W, BARWAKD, 2. ——Dar he are now, safe an’ soun’.”” We may soon expect to hear the postman saying something like this to the ladies who go to the door in answer to his ring at the bell: “Can't 1 show you my fine stock of postage-stamps this morn- ing, lady? Here are some lovely two-centers in red, color warranted not to run. Only twenty-four cents a dozen, ma’am. For a quarter I will throw in a postal-card; very handy when you wish to send a short message and do not wish to go to the trouble of writing a formal letter, My two-cent stamps, ma’am, are warranted to carry a letter anywhere within the limits of the United States, providing it weighs no more than an ounce. For two-ounce letters I have some very stylish-looking four-cent stamps. They come in a rich seal-brown and bear a finely- executed steel engraving of Abraham Lincoln. For especially heavy letters, such as love-letters, the six-cent stamps, in a delicate shrimp-pink, cannot be excelled. They are worth all I ask for them, ma‘am, and you need not hold off buying in the expectation of seeing a bargain-sale in stamps advertised, for the demand is such that it is not necessary to resort to such measures, Besides the regular letter-stamps which I have spoken of, there is a special-delivery stamp, which comes at ten cents, and which is a handy thing to have in the house, especially when you mail a letter on Saturday and it reaches the post-office of its destination on Sunday morning, Under ordinary circumstances it would wait until the Monday-morning delivery; but with one of my justly-celebrated specials on it the addressee would receive it as soon as a special messenger could carry it to him, The-color is that sub- stantial blue which pleases all who have tried it. It is somewhat darker than the blue on the one-cent stamp intended for newspapers and circulars. You might need a few one-cent stamps to-day. What! no one-cent stamps? Nor two-cent stamps, either? Very well, ma'am; no harm done. No trouble to show goods. . I'll call again to-morrow. Perhaps you will need some stamps by that time. We strive to please. Good-morning. ma‘am.” WILLIAM MRNRY SIVITRR, ABSENT. oe Is ‘THE head barber in?” “No, sir; he’s gone out 10 get shaved,” 5 SELF-PRESERVATION. “Well, Pat, bow are you getting along?” “* Qi hod a good day lasht Soonday, an’ Oi made foive dollars.” Goopman— What! you broke the sabbath ?” Par (apologetically)—" Well, "twas wan av us hod t' be broke, do yez, moind ?* “LOVE'S LABOR ’S*LOST.” USUALLY IT'S THAT: KIND. .t8] READ here in the paper that Ham- mers has retired tempora- rily from the stage to de- vote himself to literary , work. What kind of writ- ing does he do?" ; “Epistolary prose. He spends his time writ- ing applications for an- other engagement.” 3 Bornt (us turkey runs off with coop)—" Wo'—whad—dat—air?™