Judge — February 20, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

122 uae A NEW ROCHELLE SALT. ‘eB VER see any wrecks down yere? Why. bless yer gizzard, yes! Plenty on em. They comes out from the city by the trolley- car load, to re-re-coop—shiver my timbers !— re-cooperate. Besides, hain’t there the Keeley gold cure at White Plains, yonder? Wrecks? well, 1 sh’d relax my feat- ures !" SELF-BLINDED. WHO secks far for. happi- ness, blind that ‘tis near, By devious pathways is led, Like the fellow who heedlessly hunts for his hat When he has it right over his head. HAR-RACTER 's what it 's called whin a man won't take a dr-rink whin he ain’t thirsty at all, at all. MISS MARY ELLEN EASTSIDE AND GEORGE’S PREDECESSORS. FFROM the time ‘t Lean remember I've always had a beau, an’ George knows jolly well ‘call he’s got t’ do any time is U say “quits” an’ I'd be married ¢ somebody quicker ‘n scat. Iwas engaged when I was six, ter alittle boy with a black velveteen suit, named ‘Delbert Pinckney. We eloped one evenin’ an’ went an’ sat hand in hand in Tompkins square till a perleeceman come an’ took us t'th'station, Even there we would not tell our names, but said we was goin’ t’ get married; but about that time pa come along an’ took us both home, ‘Delbert first, an’ then he shook me an’ told me ma was goin’ U give me a good lickin’; but when I got home ma was so glad t’ see me “t she couldn't do nothin’ but cry. When I was twelve I was in th’ chorus of a children’s “ Pina- fore” company, an’ th’ little boy ‘t took th’ part of “Ralph” was in love with me. He was a boy so- Slopoke yit? * i ‘ ; Sect GEORGIA CRACKEI pranner, an’ wasn’t he han’some! — saise money “nough € Duy a jeu Our parents ter come at his front doo UNAVOIDABLE DELAY. parated us, an’ he use kiss my front door an’ I use ter go an’ kiss an’ he got inter a children’s opera com- pany an’ I use ter save all my money for a matinée ticket an’ go an’ sit with my chin on th’ stage while he sung. He's a big singer in Europe now. Well, when I was in school I had school-boys, an’ when I first went t' work I had clerks, but I always “ sassed" so ‘t they didn’t bother me too much. An’ when I was about sixteen Mr. Peevy fell in love with me. He was " th’ top of his head above timber- line, an" he wore perfumery an’ rings an’ dyed his whiskers; an’ whenever I heard his ring I use ter go out over th’ roof an’ down on ter th’ street an’ stay till he was gone 1 use ter do this because ma wouldn't say I wasn't home if I was. Well, he kep’ comin’ till he got kinder stuck on ma (this was after pa died), an’ first thing 1 knew Bob sent ma an’ me both up country an’ Mr, Peevy went t’ Indy ; an’ he sent maa Valley Dek ED shawl, an’ mea diamon’ ring ; A FREE PUFF an’ every time ma gets out (which JUDGR rarely that shawl she cries, an’ every prints for anybody), time I look at that diamon’ time in_the cityy First Grorcta cracker —"* Hello, Eph! is youah dahter married t’ Si Naw ; but she will be—jes’ soon ‘s I kin CyKus JAvSoN (on his way home after having had a gooa “Whistle away. dern ye! ye can't fool yer Uncle Cyrus; I've seen them kinetescopes pictur's afore.” ring I know jes’ what I can get on it if 1 get hard up, for I've inquired, Thad another old feller hangin’ roun’ nex’, an’ he was a member of th’ salvation army, an’ started in on ma, but she jes’ couldn't stan’ him; an’ next thing yer knew he wanted t’ have me peddlin’ War Crys. He took ma an’ met’ a pious picnic one day, an’ when I was leavin’ th’ din- ner table, jes’ for fun I pulled th’ hair in th’ back of his neck, I must have pulled some spring or other, for his wig come off; an’ y’ oughter “ve seen th’ looks of th’ folks at th’ table. Ma was so mad! She says t' me, “ Mary Ellen! big as you are, I've a mind t’ box your ears!" An’ I says, “Rats, ma! you know you haven't got th’ heart ter box one of ‘em! Yer jes’ sneakin’ glad ‘t his bloomin’ ole wig come off!” An’ L knew ‘t she was, too ! MADELINE ORVIS. A DOMESTIC REMINDER. BALD Basupy (as the mountain lion gets in its work)—"* Whoo-ee!! Let ‘er roll! I've felt right t' home since the old woman croaked, Scratch harder, ye durned pie-eater. First time comicbooks.com