Judge — February 13, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae A TYROLESE YODEL. CHAMOIS-HUNTER from the Tyrol came, The admiration of New York to win, Now in a Bowery dive he hides his shame, Because they said he was a chamois * skin.” A NICE MAN. MBS. JACK is a charming young southern woman who is very much in love with her husband, but matrimony has not blunted for her the feminine love of admiration. She told me a story about herself the other day, and I shall repeat it in her own words : “You know we are country folks, and I am not in the habit of dressing extravagantly. I prefer spending my money on horses and dogs and making our old place beautiful: so when Jack would ask me to go to New York with him I usually said, ‘ Honey, I haven't a thing to wear.’ ‘The old dear looked surprised cach time and echoed, ‘Not a thing? I assured him of the fact A NEW IDEA. always, and then he would say resignedly, ‘ Then of course you can’t come— I suppose.” “Well, this spring I happened to have a love of a gown direct from Paris—gloves, hat, everything to match; and so when Jack suggested my taking the customary flying trip with him I assented eagerly. “We stopped at the Waldorf, and Jack left me, to attend to business, just after we had arrived. 1 walked into the Moorish room, where there were a number of people, and knew that I looked nice, even if I was from the coun- try. The consciousness of my pretty gown confused me, as well as the trying to look as if I had lived at the hotel for weeks; so I sat down on the first chair in my way. “The seat was not very comfortable, but I saw a man staring at me, so settled myself and thought, ‘Well, I do look nice, and that man evidently thinks so.’ Acquatnrance—"* I don'd see how you vas going to sell cloding mit such signs as dose.” cs—"" You don'd? Vy, it vas blain dot ven der beebles see how dose brices vas going oop dey puys righd avay kvick pefore dey geds any higher.” ALL ’S FAIR IN LOVE, +e THE man I wed must be both brave and clever,” Said she, ‘* or T will never be a wife.” * My love,” cried he, ‘was I not brave when, rowing, ‘The boat upset, I struggling saved your life?" “Yes, it was brave ; for that I thank you duly. Bat was it clever?” As her eyes his met He slyly answered, ‘* Yes, ‘twas clever truly, For “twas on purpose I the boat upset.” “The man continued to stare, and | then decided to order a Paris gown each season. The next time I looked at the door that man had begun to move toward me, and I just knew he was going to be impertinent. “As he came near I instinctively looked around wildly for Jack, drew my- self up with dignity, and when he began, * Madam,’ I interrupted, ‘Sir! in a freez- ing tone. “*Madam,’ he repeated, gently but firmly, ‘ you are sitting on my hat." APPROPRIATE. Aunt Topate (aghast)—"* Brother Bildad, that is the finger-bow! you are drinking from.” UNcLe BILDAD ComEon (teftocen gueipi)—"* Peart name fer it, sister. does take ev'ry finger a feller 's got ter hold ther thing while a drink, b'gosh acquired dignity, jumped up, and discovered that I had “squashed * that poor man's hat as flat as a pancake. 1 was on the verge of tears and gasped, “« My dear sir, what shall I say to you?” “* Nothing, madam,’ he replied with a twinkle in his eye. *You have only made Now,” said Mrs. Jack to me demurely, “ wasn’t he anice man?” », sewseo. IN TIME TO COME. Mrs, Strong —"\ sup- pose you have heard that Miss Ricketts and Miss Gaz- zam are deadly enemies now?” Mrs. Small—“Yes, 1 heard; but I didn’t hear who was the man at the bottom of it.” HIS STATUS, Grimshaw— It is odd how a man will often mistake his true vocation in life and persist in following out a certain line of en- deavor when he was clearly predestined for one radically different. There is Rhymesmith, for instance. He insists that he is a born poet, when in reality he was cut out for a chemist.” Askins—" How do you make that out?” Grimshaw—" Ex- erything he writes be- comes a drug in the market.” 3 THE OPERA-HAT AND THE INQUISI- TIVE RATS. comicbooks.com |