Judge — January 30, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

74 DIFENSPECKER’S BIOGRAPHY CONTINUED. AS HE gazed out upon the sea, where he had been conveyed in hopes that the sea air would brace him up, his daughter Mina saw his eyes fill with tears, “You are straining your eyes, papa,” you a glass.” “You may pring me two glass- ¢s, mine shild, off Rogester lager,” said the veteran, “But what made you weep, papa?” “I suspose id vhas dhem schooners goin’ into dher mout’ off dot rifer mitout dropping a cent into dher till,” said the dying man; but when he saw the tall white collars of froth on the waves a smile of satisfaction overspread his face as he thought of the foundation of his fortune. “ Papa, I was reading this new novel, and said something about somebody catching his breath. ‘The young man saw his father suddenly enter the room, and caught his breath.’ ‘ Hearing a scream, he rushed out and found a policeman at the door, He asked “ What brings you here?” ‘The heroine caught her breath,’ ” etc., etc. * Dot's all righd, mine shild,” said Mr. Difenspecker; “dot novel vbas wridden since dher Raines law vhas in co-operation, undt dhem vhas shpot- ters, Dot vhas deat easy, Mina.” And he gazed out of the window with a satisfied smile Somebody asked him one day why he never married again after his wile Katrina’s death. “I vhill tole you, mine friendt, a fool off himseliuf.” Alas, poor old man ! he did not know that in addition to the crop of widowers there were many others made fools of by women. “Read dot ofer again, blease,” said he one day as he listened to the reading of his daughter Mina, It appeared that his un- wieldy corpulence weighed as heavily on his spirit as it did on the furniture. So she read again, “In that spiritual state, when the soul is freed from the body, we shall be capable of higher and better thoughts. We shall be in a clearer atmosphere and can see all things that are now only dimly comprehended.’ Was that it papa?” “Oxectly, Mina, mine shild. Uf dot is so dhen I vhill be aple to see how mine bants sedd aroundt dher knees mitout a looking- glass.” And he brushed away a fly and went to sleep again. At wonDen, AN EXPLANATION. LETTER mailed at Kalamazoo Bore just the stamps to take it through, Yet when it reached far Manitou ‘The postmaster did mark it due. You'd like to know how ‘twas, would you? Well, when ‘twas weighed at Kalamazoo It showed no fly-specks to the view ; ‘At Manitou it bore a few, TEBAccY ‘s killin’ many th’ foine, promi- in’ young mon—troyin’ t' git th’ money t’ boy it. “DOESN'T CUT ANY ICE." uae she said; “ wait until I bring four times in one chapter it said he. “ Dher Lord nefer “any way. maked a fool, bud he vhill led a man lose his first vife undt dhen he vhill make NEEDLESS EXPENSE. MANaceR — ** Well, I think we'll have a smooth performance to-night, I've bought up every egg in town Hater (soedily)}—" There was no necessity of buying up anything but the stale eggs, Nobody would throw good eggs at us.” IIS AMBITION, “ Now, Tommy, this is your birthday, and this afternoon I'm going to let you do whatever you like. Now, what would you like to do best ?* “Well, mamma, if I can do what- ever I want to, I'd rather go in grandpa’s room and watch him snore.” ITS INGENUITY. s¢] AM told that the cyclones you have in this region sometimes ex- hibit terrific power?” que- tied the eastern man who was touring Oklahoma, “Wa-al,” admitted the prominent real-estate agent, “they do. display considerable power at times, but it’s nothin’ to compare with their inge- nuity. Why, I remember one time of seein’ the wind turn a thirty-gallon kettle wrong side out.” ABOVE AND BELOW. + ¢THIS nickel is of purest zine,” The surface magnate said. * Your insult is,” she cried, ** of steel— For I passed that overhead.” EXTRAVAGANCE, Old Higglebaum (fretfully) —“ Stop dot efferlastin’ lookin’ oudt ohf der vindow, Ikey ! Little Ikey—" V’y, fadder 2” Old Hig lebaum—“* You vear der glass oudt so," THE PUGILISTS. THE human lungs reverberate sometimes with great velocity When our windy pugilisis indulge in much verbosity They have to twirl the glottis sixty thousand jimes a minute, And punch and push the diaphragm as though the purse was in i 2, HIS AMBITION. His ambition realized —as good as going to the circus or the comicbooks.com Poms: Lnpos