Judge — January 23, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

58 DIFENSPECKER’S BIOGRAPHY CONTINUED.- “ Mose Schombergk’s line yoostopeen collars undt cuffs undt men’s hardware "— “ Oh, ger-a-cious no, feefty times no! Dot Schombergk line vhas a line on dher map.” “ Ach, s0-0-0 2” said the genial old man. “ Dhen I vhill tole you somedings. Der bresident Vilge 'OR some time before his death he was much interest- ed in the Venezuelan complica- tion, and calling Siegfried Graff to him he asked, “Vhas ist dose dings dot I read in dher noosebapers apout dot Schombergk line? Is dot Mose Schombergk fon Puffalo ?” “No, no, Meester Difen- specker; dis Schombergk vhas a great draveler "— “ Oxectly,” said our philos- opher, “undt so vhas Mose Schombergk a great draveler; undt he draveled for Vatertank undt Colyard off Puffalo.” “Oh, Cheeminy, Meester Difenspecker! dis man drav- eled undt surveyed a line dot vhas Schombergk’s line "—— fon dese Noonited Shtates pedder look a leedle oudt dot he don'd git dot line aroundt his neck undt shoke himselluf.” And he finished his glass. It was at a state dinner given by the mayor of Cobleskill to the ambassador of Schoharie that he made himself notorious by his sarcasms. the conservatory of music of Fort Plain had gone to the piano and rendered Mendelssohn's At his solicitation a young: lady graduate of fugue in 6-30 sharp, to the horror of the assemblage. One of them said, “ Mr. Difenspecer, we owe this avalanche of sound to you.” “Nein, you vhill oxcuse me,” he said; “I asked de younk lady for some moosick.” On the same occasion a doting mother had pointed out her daughter to the seréne old man and said, “Is it not a wonder, Mr. Difenspecker that so beautiful a girl should remain single 30 long?” “ Berhaps,” said he thoughtfully; “she is vhat der boets call a matchless beauty.” A shrill scream was heard and that beau- teous being had passed on—on into the supper- roem in search of three kinds of ice-cream. His immortal reply to his son who was given to earnest and laborious drunkenness is worthy of compiling in this veracious history. “Father,” said he, “I am one of those res- olute men who can drink or leave it alone.” “Hans,” said he, “I can shwear to one halluf off dot broposition.”* “ As how, father?” he asked. “ Dot you can trink, Now, uf you vhill take apout fife years undt broove dot you can leafe ut ° alone you vhill hafe a case strong genuff for dot shoopreme court.” Ast, WORDEN, THE ACME OF UGLINESS. Hildebrand — Isn't she ugly?" Gilfoyle—" Ugly? 1 should say she was. She is ugly enough to serve as a model for a magazine poster.” \@ or ( 2 Ane Jonson (am hour later luck. [kin grab dat rooster's tail widout gittin’ into de coop at all.—— HOW FARMER HENNERRY LOST HIS WHISKERS. 1. Farmer Tesxerry—" Now, b'gosh. ef any: of them nigger chicken-thieves come round ter-night T'll surprise “em.” 3 — Come out yar !” A CONTRACT. CHoLty Sarps—' Docrox Facey. | CHOLLY Saprs—" What will it cost to make me handsome ?” WITH AND WITHOUT. (eTHAT T love thee thou dost know, And would save thee from such pother By saying yes,” said Goldie Rocks ; * But thou'lt have a time with father.” ** List, my darling ; list to me," Came the answer; **'tis thy duty. How much harder times‘without him Should I have, my brilliant beauty !" MAM ST, JOWN-BRAMMALL, THE FLY IN THE OINTMENT. Visitor (in Ruralville)—" This is a very pleasant and home-like place, and I cannot un- derstand why so many families should have moved away from it during the past few months, as you say?" Native —"You haven't heard our young ladies’ brass band yet.” HE WAS GRATEFUL. REDDY, the small son of a well-known minister, had misbehaved, and to punish him he was not allowed to eat at the family table. A small table was set for him in the corner of the dining-room, When his dinner was placed before him Freddy said very sol- emnly, * Lord, I'thank thee that thou hast s table before me in presence of my enemi 4 A mutual surprise, comicbooks.c "Is this where they alter features?” - chiar om