Judge — January 2, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CARICATURED. THE artist drew the picture Of the statesman as a clown, With a rufile and a bauble And a stomach hanging down ; And the artist grinned and chuckled er each feature dull and flat, And he said, ‘* I'll bet that statesman Will collapse when he sees that.” The statesman got the picture ‘And he held it in his hand, Picking out each comic feature With a smile content and bland ; Sighing softly as he viewed it, ** My novitiate is past ; Tam solid with the public, Tam in the Jupce at last.” Act. WORDEN, BASE INGRATITUDE. Mrs, New.ywep—‘tI might have had Jack van Ness, who is worth a million dollars.” Mr. NewLywep—“* Yes, and the ungrateful fool has never even thanked me.” ['VE loved that man for forty year. I've loved my Jacob dearly ; ‘There ain't no wife in all the worl’ Loved husband more sincerely ; I've clung to him through good an’ bad, ‘Through years of work an’ rest— An’ now he's cut his whiskers off, An’ looks like all-possesst. There's nothin’ pooty in this worl’, No really han some critter, For Jacob 's cut his whiskers off An’ life is dark an’ bitter, DECIDEDLY SO. John— 1s your wife clever?” Jack— Clever enough to make me think that she knows less than I know.” ENTERPRISING. Tourist (in Oklahoma) —" The real-estate agents of this region are a very enterprising set of men, are they not?” Alkali Ike—“Nep! Any of ‘em would pick the pockets of a billiard-table.” — hand didn’t get the bahd heither’- — THE SHAVING OF JACOB. ‘Them whiskers, once as red as fire, Have long been white as snow An’ floated like a snowy fi In all the winds that blo Td see them whiskers for a mile, An’ though I'm growin’ blind, I'd see ‘em in the distance an’ Knew Jacob was behind. He'd come home when the sun went down, Come when his work was done, His whiskers red with sunset an’ Far pootier than the sun, A GREAT “Ah, hat lawst Hi see the buhd that hours. — AZ ay 2 But Jacob when his mind is sot Won't budge for prayers or tears, An‘ though I begged him-on my knees He slashed ‘em with the shears. The glory has departed now * it has broke my heart ; b's nose an’ chin is jest t half an inch apart. His face looks like our ol’ state map Of Massachusetts there ; His chin is jest like ol Cape Cod A-pintin’ in the air. SHOT. Hi ‘ave been twacking these lawst two bad foh the fust day's “unt.” —But Hi've got hay cow. hay sheep and hay turkey, I’ve loved that man for forty year An’ journeyed by his side, An’, allus, everywhere we went, His whiskers were my pride, An’ now hes cut his whiskers off All life is stale an’ flat. An’ no man's left in all the worl” That's worth a-lookin’ at. I'd like to die—but then I won't— I want, when I am gone, No man a-cryin’ roun’ my grave Without bis whiskers on. SAM WALTER Foss. A NATURAL WRECKER. Mr. Rapid — She should have been a lawyer.” Mrs. Vapid —" Expound.” Mr, Rapid —* She can drive a coach and four through the ten commandments without turning a hair.” CAUSE FOR HASTE. Policeman — Where away so fast 2" Bloodgood Cutter—"\'m going to get my poetic license renewed.” ‘That isn't so bloomin comicbooks.com