Judge — December 26, 1896 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W. J. Arent. Brawwann Gritas LM. Gascony, Editor. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK, TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITRD STATES AND CANADA IN. ADVANCE, Z, ‘One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - S One coy. six months, or 26 numbers Pe One enpy. for thirteen weeks = = S inclading the Cunisrmas Juoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $0.00. year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupce Burtptnc). Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. SAT We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation tham any other American satert. shed. cal paper pu The Jove agp Avenne del The Internationa bach's News Exe 18, Leipsic, Germ Cable address 4 June's Quarrerty are all for sale at Brentano's, = Ainaiee & Cou as Newcastle treet, Strand, Londen 9 NOTICE TO PURLISHERS.—The contents of Junce are protected by copy- ght in both the United States‘and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be * promptiy and vigorously prosecuted. M&sY WOMEN out west are now determined to bring up the boy orator as a pet. HEN SPAIN speaks of us as a nation of shop-keepers she is not fair, Why omit the farmers? THE UNION feels as if it ought t0 secede from Kansas; but Kansas kindly simplifies matters by proposing to secede, itself. eee SOMEBODY Proposes the cactus as the national flower. Let us add to it the old suggestion attached to the snake on an old state flag, “ Don’t tread on me,” THE EDITOR of the Syracuse Cou- rier discusses “the suicide habit.” There may have been persons who killed themselves more than once, but we never heard of them. eee STRANGE THING regarding an actor and an actress who con- template marriage is that both should go to the expense of time end money necessary to procure each a legal di- vorce. QUR DOLLAROCRACY, accord- _j ing to Henry Labouchere. is our best ocracy, and it is ignorant and vul- gar. The trouble is, Labby, that we can't recover from our English an- cestry. N SAYING that he cares nothing for this republic Henry George has aimed a blow at its vitals which would reach the same but for the impervious nature of its protective hide. on dis fence. N ASTOR may marry into Albert Edward's family; but a Vanderbilt is already in close acquaintance with the prince and his wife. The Guelphs are nice, quiet people, and they are looking up. [7 CANNOT be charged, according to the Utica Observer, that Altgeld lacks the courage of his depravity. No, it cannot; and it is another curious fact that he is a firm believer in the righteousness of his wickedness. THE TIME has not arrived, according to Senator Hill, to put together the dissevered fragments of the Democratic party. Certainly not. The thing to do now is to get out a search-warrant and see if somebody can find them. [8 RETIRING Senator Hill can pride himself on the fact that whereas he began his senatorial career in the mugwump papers as a contempti= ble insect, he presently won from them the declaration that he was “the most dangerous man in American politics.” He grew. IDENTIFYING SIGNALS GALOKE. Weary West—"' Dere's no use uv me chalkin’ de ‘no-good’ sign Dat wood-pile an’ dose signs is warnin’ enuff fer enny re- spectable hobo dat's in good standin’ wid de profesh.” BLOOD WILL TELL. ANSAS AND NEBRASKA witnessed the opening skirmishes of the civil war, and felt the tread of old John Brown and his fighting abo- litionists, The states were born for strife, and would rather have ideas with war than peace without them. GREAT MAN. MB: PLATT resigned his senatorship for the purpose of getting it back, and isnt he going to do it? Mr, Platt looks far ahead, and in fore- seeing events fifteen years beyond he beats the record. And now we present the prediction that when he takes his seat in the senate-chamber he will remain in it, if he lives, to the end of his term. WHY HAVE HER? WE DO NOT need Hawaii, She needs us. If she comes in any shape she must first be connected by cable. That being consummated, it will be less necessary to have her either for her own sake or ours. Charity is a good thing, but nobody cares to take a wart on his own hand for the mere purpose of relieving another of his excrescence. AN INTERNATIONAL FIGURE. THE MAN for President McKinley's secretary of state above all others is Chauncey M. Depew. He knows all nations and they all know him. He is diplomatic by nature, and the soul of courtesy and good will; but in any emergency ke would be firm as a rock in behalf of the nation’s dignity and honor. He was born for the place and it is fitting that he come to his inher- itance, WHY SO VIOLENT? OUR DR. PARKHURST can easi- ly afford to keep himself above the level of the parrons Brownlow and Sam Jones. When he calls women murderers because they do shopping and buy goods as cheap as they can he abuses both his good sense and the power of his adjectives. And suppose he obliged women to stop shopping? Wouldn't they die, and wouldn't the sweat-shop and the shop-girls starve? PIOUS LITTLE PRIGS. AGNES REPPLIER objects to the Sunday - school literature that makes children melancholy, fills them with fear, and in some cases results in little missionary prigs who think it their duty to watch over and instruct and improve their parents, their uncles and their aunts. Much of that literature has passed away, Indeed, there is such a decided impression that none of it is left, one is forced to the conclusion that Miss Repplier had better investi- gate a modern Sundayéschool to see what she is writing about. IS THIS ARGUMENT? A WOMAN, writing for the Rochester Herald, says. no woman at the theatre wants to“ take off her hat and carry it around in her hand to let some man crowd past her on his way to the bar-room,” and adds, as if the remark were unanswerable, “Let the management provide seats * especially for thase beasts of unquenchable thirst and it won't take long to settle the theatre-hat question.” To be sure! The hats will of course continue to be worn, And thus we learn again that two wrongs generally make one right. ss THE WHITE-HOUSE LIQUIDS. HAVE IT on the authority of Frances Willard that the white- house will be as free from wine under McKinley as it was under _ From what source Miss Willard gets her information is not W E Hayes. known; but it may be inferred that she is as accurate as the thousand persons who are industriously building the, McKinley cabinet. And we do hope, whatever mav occur as to wine, that the radical temperance peo- ple will not abuse the McKinleys as they did the Hayeses when they were semi-occasionally reported to have mixed milk with their habitual water. comicbooks.com