Judge — December 19, 1896 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NOTHING NEW FOR CHRISTMAS. HE same old goods are in the shops : You see them shining, gold or brass~ The chains and rings and fancy things, “The little brittle duds of glass, d The dry-goods man’s alluring show, ~<, ‘The useful gifts—the useless too— We've bought them years and years, and buy Again. We know there's nothing new. Christmas Judge The same old hurry-skurry crowd Jostles you up and down the street. Its bundles whack you front and back ; Its vigor takes you off your feet. It carries gifts for him, for her, ‘And gifts, perchance, for me—and you. He, she and we all wonder what They are. They can's be something new. Who cares? Not I nor any one. “Twould surely spoil the sweet old time Should we undo strange things and new, Or find fresh thought in Christmas rhyme. ee Old ways to mind us of old days, 3 = i Old rhymes, old chimes, old mem'ries dear, ae CHRISTMASS MORNING Tey. Old faces in old places and Good-morning, Mr. Gander! A cool morning.’ ‘The same old ** merry Christmas" cheer. “Yes; 1 MRS, GEORGE ARCHIBALD. ‘'m all covered with goose-pimples.”” A FABLE, A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE was one day com- paring his assets and his liabilities as per a statement which his financial secretary had just submitted, “Indeed !" he exclaimed proudly, “1 shall thus die the richest man on earth.” Just then he noticed that his financial secretary had entirely omitted the schedule of Christmas presents which his wife and daughters had sub- mitted only the day before Hastily adding these to the liability column of this statement, and thus finding himself to be totally insolvent, he shrewdly said, “ Even thus the wise man is he who distrib- utes his property before death, It is indeed evident that the lawyers will get none of mine.” And they didn’t. A CHANGE IN THE DATE. Dillingham—*1 think Christmas ought to be held on the twenty-sixth of December.” Wilber force—" Why?” ee Dillingham—* Because now that it is held on KEEN JUVENILE PERCEPTION. itis norte ReciNatp (aged four, disgustedly)—" Say, pa, if yer wanter work de Santy Claus jolly on me yer the twenty-fifth the twenty-sixth finds people about ver shake Sister Sue's (bogein-cap, paint yer nose, an’ use sumpin’ else b'sides de cotton stuffin’ yer tired to death. got outer my doll fer whiskers. See?” HE WAS ON. BELt-boy—'" You see dat sign? I s'pose yer know what it means?” : Jane Gueen (0f Back Corners)—" Of course | do, young feller. I kin read. I'll lock th’ door an’ th’ winders, but I don’t perpose t’ set up all night an’ watch thet gas: so if enny gas escapes ‘thout my knowin’ it you needn't charge it up t’ me.”