Judge, 1896-12-19 · page 21 of 46
Judge — December 19, 1896 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Christmas-themed Judge page contains multiple satirical pieces mocking romantic sentimentality and domestic life. **"He Weakened"** is the main story: A young man named Gilbert Crabson, deeply in love with Mabel Gaswell, eagerly agrees to do anything for her. When she asks him to play Santa Claus at their church's Sunday-school Christmas festival, he's horrified—so appalled he breaks off their engagement rather than endure the humiliation. The satire targets both the exaggerated romantic language ("infinite trust," "overwhelming love") and male resistance to public embarrassment, suggesting men will abandon love to preserve dignity. The shorter pieces mock domestic life: "A Miracle" jokes about a child's narrow escape from poisoning by eating the wrong pie. "A Brilliant Knock-Out" depicts a street fight where one man, knocked down, hallucinates diamonds. The illustrations use Judge's characteristic crude, expressive line work. The overall message ridicules sentimental romance and the gap between flowery declarations of love and actual male behavior.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Christmas Judge tae e ) A WARNING. ‘Soy, if yer de’Santy Claus wot put a busted whistle an‘ a theumatic jumpin’-jack in me stockin’ last year | want ter tell yer right here dat if yer don't do enny better dan dat dis trip yer'll find dat chimbly so all-fired hot de nex’ time yer strikes dis ranch dat yer'll wish yer were dead. See?" HE WEAKENED. ++] WANT to ask you to do something for me.” As Mabel Gaswell spoke she looked up into the face of her lover with a look of infinite trust, and as Gilbert Crabson pressed her tiny hand between his own broad palms he felt there was nothing in the wide world that he would not do for this young girl who had a few skort weeks before come into his life and stolen away his heart. “What is it, my darling?” he replied as he gazed down lovingly into the eyes lifted so pleadingly to his. “You have but to speak and command me. Tell me alll.” You know, dear,” she went on, reassured by his manner, “that since we have moved to South Brooklyn I have been very much interested in my church work, and I think perhaps your great and overwhelming love for me has made me long so much more to do something for others, This year we have planned something special for Christmas.” The young man_at her side, as if in faint realiza- tion of what was to come, paled visibly, and his hand clutched convulsively at the mane on the back of the sofa. “Go on,” he muttered hoarsely. “And I thought, dear,” she continued, oblivious of the change in his appearance, as her face lighted up with the prospect of what she had in her mind; “1 thought for my sake that you wouldn't mind imperson- ating the part of Santa Claus for our Sunday-school Christmas festival.” One hour and fifteen minutes later, in the forward end of an otherwise deserted trolley-car that sped swiftly through the night toward Williamsburg, an ex- cited individual muttered to himself as he bent forward under the feeble light to closely examine the diamond ring he held in his hand to make sure it was the same one, “It was hard for me to break it off, but what is love compared with an ordeal like that?” nM A MIRACLE, Mrs, Cobwig- ger—" Freddie got into the pantry and ate a whole pie.” Cobwig ger— “What kind was iv?” Mrs. Cobwig- ger—" Apple — the big one I put in the corner.” Cobwig ger— “What a narrow escape he had from instant death! The one right next to it was a mince.” [ F YOU happen to know Miss Pad give her a weigh, A BRILLIANT KNOCK-OUT. RugsstiEN (on the floor)—" Oh, Tkey | hit me again. I see tiamonds I” comichooks.com