Judge — December 12, 1896 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Brennan Gricaw '» Editor, PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITRD STATES AND CANADA IM ADVAKCR Qne copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.0 One copy, six months. or 26 numbers - 2.56 One copy. for thirteen weeks == 1.25 Including the Cunistwas JudcK. FOKRIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—Te all foraien countries im the postal union, $0.00 4 year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupGE BriLpINc) Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street. New York. W. J. Ameria. LM THE CHRISTMAS JUDGE—OUT DECEMBER 12TH. THE NUMBER of the Junce for December 19th (out December 12th) will be the Christ- mas issue. It is rich in pictures and reading-matter, and the glow and flavor of Christmas pervade every page. Among the artists contributing to this number are Hamil- ton, Vietor Gillam, ** Zim,"" J. H. Smith, F. L. Fithian, A.S. Dagay, W. L. Sheppard, P.S. Newell, Sydney B. Griffin, George R. Brill, H. B. Neilson, Henry Mayer, Louis Wain, How- ard Helmick, J. M. Flagg, A B. Phelan, J.A. Lemon, R. L. Stearns, T. B. Robertson, Art Young, C. D. Gilbert, W. M. Goodes, Stanlaw, F. A. Nankivel, J. Boh, and R. M. Wright. The letter-press is the work. among others, of Henry Tyrrell, James J. O'Connell, Minna Irving, Edward Clayton Savage, Anna Pierpont Siviter, Albert B Payne. Charles . West, George S. Crittenden, Madeline S. Bridges, Tom Masson, A. T. Worden, Mrs George Archibald, Mary C. Francis, William H. Siviter, and I. M. Gregory. The Cuuistaras Juoce goes to all regular subscribers. Price to others twent THE KAISER doesn't want any German soldier to pray to him, but rather to his grandfather and his other predecessors. PEACE HATH her victorigs. The chief business of our war-vessels is to get out of order and have themselves built over. M* RAINES thinks it was his law that gave the Republicans victory in this state, Now we thought it was the question of the price of putty. THE DEFEAT of Bryan is said to have driven several persons crazy; but his nomination, judging from the returns, was tar more destructive, THE HUSBAND of Isabella, ex-queen, is not permitted to sit at table with his wife, and he is even denied the privilege of occu- pying a place under it. WHEN THIN come to a crisis John Bull has as much love of peace as any- body. He must have inherited his common < sense from our sober second thought. THERE IS an important question. 1 i wor med on yer lash m this. Will the populists give back the — foine clothes ye wear?” word Democracy to its rightful owners, or Den in me coat. must the latter hunt up a new one? [F ANYBODY has a friend he wants to remark at once that Mr. McKin- ley has the gentleman in view for a place in his cabinet. Hecause the chance occurs only once in four years. So MANY TROUBLES are being forced upon Governor-elect lack by the newspaper correspondents that one wonders he doesn’t resign as the only way to get away from them. TO ESCAPE a threatened natural death persons have been known to commit suicide. It doesn’t seem possible that Spain would fight the United States as a means to run away from Cuba. MB: CLEVELAND probably remarks in his loneliness, not aggressively or joyfully, but as one who states a plain fact with a suggestive con- clusion, “ The king is dead, nevertheless long live the king.” THE BACCHANTE given to the Boston brary has finally been ac- cepted; but she is to be made to stay out-of-doors in the coldest weather, without a latch-key or the slightest pocket to put it in. oO? Matte HUGH CAND ate, beating her husband silverite, was elected to the Utah sen- der Angus M. Cannon, who ran for that office on the Republican ticket. It seems likely that the elder didn’t know she was loaded ENTIONAL PROVOCATION. Phwat precippytated thot assault thot ight at th’ parthy—jilousy av th’ “No; it wor th’ crisankymoom Oi, wore Oi niver knew whin Oi bot it in th’ dark thot it wor orange-coolored, be gob!” SILENCE IS PEWTER. ‘ *HE HAS a fortune to earn,” says the Elmira Gaseffe, speaking of Senator Hill and his retirement to private life. He likewise has a misfortune to overcome. It is extreme reticence at the very time that he ought to speak. If he treats his clients as badly as he treated himself after the Chicago convention he will never address a jury until the latter has brought in the required verdict. WHEN TO STEAL. r IS IMPOSSIBLE for the law to be strictly just as between wealth and poverty. It gets as near to it as it can; but money buys time and time brings to light circumstances which in the other case would remain hidden, Everybody is glad that Mrs. Castle received a light sentence, for she is undoubtedly irresponsible; but a poor woman in her case would have gone to prison for a long term. The moral is plain—don’t steal until you get so rich that you do not need to steal. THE PRESIDENTIAL TERM. T IS A GOOD IDEA, presented by the Sum, that when you have a bad president you want to flip him out in four years. Let us present that side of the question of the presidential term, and we have the argument for a term of two years, instead of six or eight years, as proposed, leaving his satanic majesty to take possession of the business hindmost. But there follows the unanswerable argument that when you have a bad can- didate you mustn't elect him to any term at all. A DESTRUCTIVE GRIND. WE FORGET the details of the fable relating how the sea was flavored with salt. There was a ship with a grinder of salt in it, and it ground so much and so persistently that the master of the vessel flew into a rage and broke it into many pieces. All-of these pieces ground away, each for itself, and that was the cause of it, It is possible that Mr. Bryan proposes to grind silver in the same way; but it is more likely that his experience will be that of the rat that gnawed a file and consequently lost its teeth and died of starvation. A PLAIN, GOOD, HONEST MAN. THE DEATH OF JOHN Y. FOSTER, editor of Lesite's Weekly, took from this world a man with a superfluous conscience, because he was so naturally good and fair and just that he had no use for it. Undoub:- edly the angels met him at the threshold of the other world; and he met them with a look of surprise, and of mild rebuke that they should honor him with recognition of a cere- monious nature. There was no ostentation in his religion, his journalism, or any of his garments; and if he doesn’t sing or play the harp over there it is because he prefers retir- acy and doesn’t think he can make good music. THE MERCIFUL MENELEK. TALY has compromised with Abyssinia. The terms are, in terms not strictly diplomatic, that Italy acknowledges herself whipped and is quite willing to get out of a bad scrape by acknowledging the fact and paying the damages. Happily for her, the Abyssinian negus is more gen- erous than the Italian negus would be with the situations reversed; and it 1s a fine thing for the latter to find out that kings do best when they attend to their own business. The missionary reform that is carried on by armies has too much blood in it, and too few hymn-books, A FAIR CHANCE FOR ALL. T MAY be stated as a fact that the wealth of this country is too much centralized. It is a result of commercial sagacity, however, and there is equal sagacity on the part of the many who complain of it. "Let them set themselves to work to regulate the matter in commercial w: No war ever made matters better. No hysterics and bad talk ever did it. Fortunes have demonetized through time and bad management, and ordinary, every-day men have got possession of them. A few years ago the original Mr, Astor was peddling furs. Commodore Vanderbilt was the happy possessor of one Staten-island boat. John H. Starin was selling a remedy for sick horses. The Standard-oil men were country merchants. It is a free country. One man has as good a chance as another if he has the requisite brains and gets his opportunity; and the whirligig of time makes all things even. comicbooks.com