Judge — November 14, 1896 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCE A WERK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months. or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy, for thirteen weeks - = Inclading the Cuuistmas Juocr. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries im the postal umion, $0.00 year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupGE BUILDING). Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. nas SA We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation tha uy other American satiri- cal paper published. v and Junce’s QuarteRty are all for sale at Brentane's, . Ainsiee & Ce.,25 Newcastle itreet, Strand, London; London: at Saar. Mains, Germany; wand ty Ch. B. Aliath, G ‘Joooran.” 18, Leiptic, Germa Cable addre {27 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Junce are protected by copy- fnght in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. [* MAY be remarked of the result that that's what's the matter with Hanna, too. eee MB: TERRELL is apparently the only man who can pull the sultan’s royal oriental whiskers. HE BOOM in wheat collided THE RETORT COURTEOUS. AN MACLAREN, who puts our college buildings above those of Cam- bridge and Oxford, writes better Scotch stories than any American author; but it must be remembered that our scratching-posts are not habitual, DEEPLY SIGNIFICANT. KEEP AN EYE on Mr. Depew in considering the campaign of 1900. Mr. Bryan began his advance to the presidency by trying to be a theatrical agent; and Mr. Depew goes him several better by buying an opera-house. Your true statesman looks such a long way ahead that he has to employ an opera-house—or rather an opera-glass—to enable him to fetch the distance. UPS AND DOWNS. E DO NOT believe that ex-Empress Eugenie will come here to attend the wedding of her god-daughter, Miss Bonaparte. She was once young and pretty; but alas! there is no art which produces bon- nets and gowns exactly appropriate to age and consequent wrinkles and unhappiness. And again, the American Bonapartes, rejected by the great original, have lived to see the French ones become poor cousins. LET THEM FIGHT STERN AHEAD. SOMETHING must be done for the protection and continuation of the battle-ship Indiana. She rolls thirty-six degrees in a heavy sea; and that is as dangerous as the intoxication that rolls its victim at half that volume of water. And as the other battle-ships have been shown to be dangerous to themselves in certain emergencies, it would seem proper, not to seek for a disturbance, but to get our war-vessels in such a with the one possessed by condition that they will be able the boy orator, with frightful re- to run away. sults, eee First QUESTION to man with black eye and broken leg—" How did the wheel come out of it?” e [NX CALIFORNIA recently a fire was put out with wine. Such wasteful calamities appall the human heart. eee JAMES M. BARRIE appar- ently came over here, like Kipling, to hide himself from his American admirers. STILL, SMALL VOICE comes from the political débris and it says “Peep!” It is the voice of David B. Hill. COLONEL JOHN JUMPER, the distinguished Seminole who recently died, probably took the golden stair in a few leaps. eee me outer her yard ! offered?” It MAY BE remarked, we think, that the greatest of the questions, “ Have you registered?” has been settled along with the rest of them. 'HE BASE-BALL CLUB of Louisville cleared five thousand dollars this year. Pray do not class these figures among the ordinary major- ities. UNREQUITED LOVE made an Oil City man throw himself over the falls of Niagara. Only insanity could make a man search for a lost woman in such a place as that. SOME GOLD-BRICK MEN fleeced a few aborigines in Indian terri- tory, and the victims killed them, And yet they say our copper-col- ored brothers cannot be civilized. R. WALES protests against a snap-shot which represents him in the act of scratching his head. Why so sensitive? Surely it is not rep- rehensible to give one’s valet a rest once in a while. [S17 NOT monstrous that the powers of Europe have permitted the assassination of one hundred thousand Christians rather than come together by representatives to agree upon some method of justice and mercy? The avarice of national power and ambition that has permitted this wholesale murder is the greatest crime of any century. VICTORIOUS IN DEFEAT. Weary WALLY (b0isterously)—"* Haw, haw, haw! Afore I'd let a woman drive WEAK RAGONA (scornfully)—"* Wot would yer hev done — taken de jod she NO BACCHANTE. THE BACCHANTE by Sculp- tor Macmonnies was not ap- propriate to the public library of Boston, any more than, good as it doubtless is, it would have been proper as a school or a church ornament. Think, more- over, of its probable effect on the solemn trustees of that institu- tion. If they had the respect for it which would be signified by their acceptance of it they would feel obliged, logically and possi- bly by preference, to go out every ten minutes and take a drink. THE IRISH-ENGLISH ROMANCE. THE LOVE of notoriety which belongs to men like Tynan gets much encouragement from the fat-witted detectives who are so numerous and so expensive to English tax-payers. The cun- ning fellows make a good living, and are continually before the public, to their great delight. If there were fewer detectives there would be less fright, because the gentlemen wouldn't step on each other's toes with such perilous frequency. And, after all, there isn’t a holocaustic con- flagration every time you light a match. A LAUDABLE AMBITION. WE HAVE no doubt that Mr. Bryan would make a good theatrical agent, and he needn't be ashamed of his ambition in that direction He tells a good story, he has a fine presence, he is genial, he touches the truth gently and with profound respect; and he has the theatrical face and would be unapproachable as an understudy in farce, comedy or tragedy. And can anybody tell us why a theatrical agent is entitled to less respect than a farmer, a rail-splitter, a tailor, or a gentleman who began life as a driver on some canal? THE POLITICAL MAHOMETS., THE NEW THING belonging to the late campaign is that Mahomet goes not to the mountain, but the mountain goes to him. The tail- end candidates have had their day, and the Mecca at Canton sets the pace for the voting pilgrims of the nation in the coming national upheavals. ‘The spectacle of the millions going to McKinley for personal consultation and approbation was as grand as it was unexpected and spontaneous. But the Mahomets must have cast-iron houses and grounds and be largely built of that material themselves, comicbooks.co