Judge — October 31, 1896 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W. J. Anant. Baxnwarn Gritan LM = Editer. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK, TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. ONFTRD STATRS AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year. of s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months. or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy, for thirteen weeks == 1.25 Including the Cunistmas Juoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal umion, $0.00 year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupcr BuILniNG) Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. (97 We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation than any other America cal paper published. ocr's Quanres ‘on as Wen The {uternational News . Chancery Lane, E. C- bach's' News Buchance, Maine. Germany: The International New! 18, Leipsic, Germany. and by Ch, &. Alioth, Geneva, Switeerland. Cable addren—" Juvouans.” (47 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juoce are protected by copy- ght in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. OST WOM in it, like: best the woman's club that has only one woman HE POWERS proclaim peace twice a day now, and the sultan joyfully celebrates the declaration by killing more Christians. HE ENGLISH LAW that drives prisoners to insan- ity is a greater crime than any of which the prisoners have been guilty. IF IT IS TRUE, as alleged, that the five wicked sis- ters are not wicked, then the confiding public are both shocked and indignant. HE COU czar by the hibited an affection as pro- nounced as the more recent cozening of the kaiser by the czar. WE BELIEVE the story that the kaiser recent- ly shot the biggest buck in the world, because he neces- sarily does that sort of thing every time he shoots. WE BE Mr. Bryan on the re- nights, fer over twenty years.”" port that he is out of his head, though the truth probably is that he has merely abandoned his base. M*. SEWALL is so bitter against capitalists that he feels like crawling into his letter of acceptance to hide himself from the fright the docu- ment caused him. see Jones?” coscongranilate Brorurr Jonrs—* Ves, parson ; ++] WOULD rather lay my head on the block, of Popiilist Watson; and we must say t adapted to that business: favorite expression it is a head peculiarly R, WATSON snarls with such persistency and vigor that he reminds one of that noble beast the hyena. There was never a canvass in which a candidate succeeded so well with his teeth, THERE IS a young woman who can utter only the word “nit.” Let us comfort her, Let it be known to her that there are seven million persons in this country who are equally afilicted whenever they want to be funny. And she is better off than they because she isn't an idiot. HE CZAR suffered in Paris from a surfeit of food. Thus history fails to repeat itself. When the first Napoleon visited Moscow he suffered from the lack of it, and a large part of his army perished from the frost of Russian weather and inhospitalty, The whirligig of time makes things uneven, could like ter go_an’ sit in th’ parlor fer one night pial itn before I die T've got ten daughters, yer know, an’ I hain't hed a chance at thet parlor, ll, though it is impossible to POWER OF THE LUNATICS. F MR. BRYAN had tried to speak from the steps of the capitol he would have met the fate of his brother Coxey. The proposition to do so was as characteristic of his party as it was of Carl Browne and Coxey's other lieutenants, But is it not amazing, not to say alarming, that all these cranks are not laughed out of the various campaigns in which they appear? CLUB IT TO DEATH. HE SILVER BUSINESS has a good deal of surreptitious support. One doesn't want to proclaim himself a repudiator or a traitor to country or common honesty if he contemplates that meanness, and a ballot to that end answers the same purpose as if he talked. The way to kill the scoundrelism is to fear it. Let every honest man take a whack at it on election-day. KILLING FOR LIBERTY. R, TILLMAN remarks that if McKinley is defeated “the Democratic party will take the rascally judges of the federal supreme court by the throat and teach them that there is yet liberty in this land.” In that case liberty will not be a desirable privilege so far as the gentlemen who are being choked are concerned, whatever may become of the rest of us, In- deed, one is reminded of the remark of one Madame Roland, “ Oh, liberty ! what crimes are committed in thy name.” STAGE AND PLATFORM. FIVE SISTERS who sing and kick for a living are advertised by the column for nothing because they are notoriously wicked. It is well enough for Mr. Bryan to be equally noticed because he is notoriously wrong; but we must insist that the women of the stage shall not adopt this very profitable though not altogether new advertising method. And indeed they might find some startling newness in the assumption that they are notoriously good. MARRIAGE OF A FEW SOULS. A COUPLE were recently married by the material- ized spirit of an extinct cler- gyman, the lady of the occa- sion, who had long been dead, having been material ized, herself, for that purpose. ‘There is some pretty senti- ment here, but for the most part the ceremony was ridic- HIS ONLY WISH. ulous. It reminds one of the Parson GoopMan—"'Is there anything you would like to do before you die, Brother union between Bryan and Watson and Bryan and Sew- say with certainty which of the’ vice- presidential candi- dates has killed the other and therefore which is most dead. THE RABBIT CANDIDATE. ries his rabbit-feet and believes serenely, though they the is going to be elected. He is so convinced of the luck of the rabbit-feet that he chides his managers for their practical efforts to help him. It is really a discovery. Washington and his successors, we feel sure, never thought of it; and if their opponents had done so our history might have been very different, Again, if King George had car- ried rabbit-feet this country might never have had a president at all. GREAT RELIGIOUS ZEAL. BREATHITT COUNTY, Kentucky, is overrun with mormons, three thousand of whom have settled there and are proselyting with some success. It is an intense Methodist community, and all the protestant churches are united in an effort to drive the mormons out, There has been one fight and there will be more, with numerous deaths. Yet Breath- itt is a moonshine district, is the home of the notorious Hatfields and McCoys, who have been killing each other from generation to generation, and in one of her towns one hundred persons have been killed on the public square within fifteen years. Religious wars are invariably fierce. { them mormins run agin our religion,” it was recently remarked at a Breathitt: prayer-meeting, “we ll shoot the blank-blank heretickses into a hotter world.” Me: BRYAN c can't vote, comicbooks.cdm