Judge — October 24, 1896 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FACIAL EXPRES- age Cen: PLAYER: ITEMS FROM THE RED GULCH BELLOWER. WE ARE not at all constrained by the threat ened action of the public-outrage committee in explaining that the steam-beer banquet of the Get-there club on Monday night—which we left at two-thirty a. m.—had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that the flag on our private mast was upside-down for an hour on Tuesday morning. The glorious emblem of our fore-parents was hoisted by a tramp printer, who is also an ex-circus performer, and who came to the office walking on his hands = and ran the stars and stripes up while in that re- The whist-hand versed condition. If the citizens of Red Gulch had dealt — been thoughtful enough to stand upon their heads during that fateful hour none but the most carping On humble knee a bumble-bee his passion did declare. * Oh, fly to me, sweet wasp!” cried he; ‘nor sting me to despair.” His golden charms she soon did size (a brand ‘‘ new” wasp was the), And thus did she soliloquize, * To bee, or not to bee THE PROPOSAL. ——and the same hand played. of scalawags could have found any fault. Give us the benefit of a doubt. We offer our services as treasurer to receive contribu- tions from the men of Red Gulch for the bright young fellow who placed a dummy tramp last week in the tent of Mrs. K— and Mrs. B—, who were camping out and who were thereby frightened JUDGMENTS FROM MR. MCGARVEY. [7S called hoarse whin a felly barks loike a dog. It’s roidin’ a boicycle thot’s loike fallin’ frum a roof. We hov but two loives an this earth, an’ wan av thim is dith. It’s th’ Oitalian thot kin color his nick loike a mer- shim poipe. Sound is waves, is it? Shure, thin, whoy don’t th’ shtar-shpangled banner talk out loud? Shure, it’s some lawyers are sharks. Whin Oi made me will Oi didn’t make it, fer divil a bit av property would bin lift hod Oi paid th’ fay. Me daughter wroites things in sich a way thot they home. The young man is a genius and a preserver of family unity, and ought to be encouraged THE REASON OF It, Miss SNoFLAIKE—"* Jim Jackson called round las’ night an’ offered me five hundred dollahs toe marry him; an’ he hadn't bin gone mo'n five minutes ‘fore Abe Hardcase came in an’ offered me six hundred dollahs toe marry Aim. 1 took Abe.” Miss Recnexcué —‘*Exacly. Jim's light-headed, yo’ know, an’ he hires-Abe toe can be sung widout notes, loike a felly callin’ fer mortar. It’s poertry she’s after callin’ it, as shmart as ye plase foller him round an’ git him out ob scrapes.” If the person or persons who so cleverly bisected a water- melon and glued it together again with a pair of old pants inside and lefe it at this office will call we will gladly return the gar- ment, minus the buttons, for which many thanks If you haven't any other trousers, Billy, send a note to that effect. by Hank. ‘The rumor that the so-called editor of the Evening Mud Hen escaped from jail at Ragtown is untrue. He was kicked out for stealing the prisoners’ penny- pie fund. Our carrier's delay in serv- ing subscribers with the last is- sue was occasioned by his siting upon the ink-keg by mistake. We have cut him off from the place at great expense, and he will doubtless be around as usual this morning. r,v. 0. HIS THEORY. SSPAVIE, what makes the rain fall?" “Why, it has t’, that's all. If ic didn’t fall it would go up an’ put out th’ sua,” lowed flag.” THE ANARCHISTS —"* Glot FOILED AGAIN; OR, NOT Our valiant leaders have started the battle! Forward, patriots, and cheer for our hal- THE STANDARD. Bur—_ 1! — 1 — I comicbooks.com |