Judge — October 17, 1896 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae HOW A SIXTEEN-TO-ONE POLICY REACTED UPON FARMER AT THE PALACE, S+G IRE,” said the private secretary to the king of the Southbound islands in the Pacific; * sire, 1 have here a communication from the president of the London missionary society desiring to know if you were pleased with the last missionary sent here and asking if you wish another.” "Cert," said the king. “‘ Tell bim to ship immediately, so that he will reach me by the holidays, and have him younger than Hicks was. Tell him we were glad to receive him in ovr midst; and I think you may tell him that he did us good—yes, on the whole, he did us good.” The secretary turned and began dictating to a beautiful young’ typewriter dressed in a white-leather belt and a silver buckle, and the king went to sleep with a wooden toothpick in his mouth, on which he choked and muttered in his sleep, “A little more of the dark meat.” AT, WORDEN, WHY HE COULDN'T. “ Now, Tommy, it’s all nonsense for you to be so bashful. When the waiter comes | want you to order your lemonade yourself. You must learn to speak up.” Tommy—* Oh, mamma! how can you ask me to when you know how my toe hurts?” Mamma SIX ALM. Faxster Jones—"* Wa-al, ye kin jedge fer yerself how much hay thar is thar.” Farwex kows—" Waal, | should jedge thar wuz ‘bout fifteen dollars’ wuth.” FAwmeR JoNEs—"* Waval, seein’ it's you, ye kin hev it fer thet. When will IT TROUBLED HER. ye take it?” - Papa—"So you want a three-dollar watch? ceo MEER, BROWN —" "Rout eight Weil, save up two dollars and I'll give you the other ‘clock. dollar.” Jsabel—“ Papa, | wish you'd give me the dollar now, just to get it off my mind.” SUGGESTIVE FACT. THE summer girl is home once more. She haunts the copnters of each store With locks that must be freshly dyed With Titian tints of peroxide. A CHANGE OF OPINION. + 4G HE brings new sunshice in my life.” Is what 1 said when made our vow; "Tis but a year she’s been my wife— 1 find it was all moonshine now. DOWN AT THE HEEL. Judge—* Wat's the matter, mad- am? Doesn't your husband support + you?" Applicant for divorce— Support me? My goodness! he can’t even support his own hosiery.” AN INSPIRATION. First fool (stopping at mile-post)—“ Now if these figures were only ‘1 mile to Nitville,’ instead of *11," we would be almost home.” Second fool (brilliantly) — “Then consider us nearly home at ‘once, Iwill scratch off one of the fig- ures.” A SUNDAY OBSERVATION. F YOU want to know what sort of disposition a Christian has before he is converted notice him on Sunday when he finds his pew full of strangers. A FATAL OMISSION. Crockery merchant—" You didn’t sell the pitcher to that man from Wheeling, eh?” Clerk—" No. 1 told him the figures were Paul and Virginia HOW SHE instead of West Virginia.” MEANT. SOMA! Edith —— M said, “but (ihn Vall le taken, my dear; he's quite thin.” “Yes; but up and down, I mean.” MECHANICAL HAPPINESS. ‘sBENEDICK does not seem happy with his wife.” “No wonder. She tries to make home happy according to rules printed in a woman’s paper.”* GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER. SARE you going to South Dakota for your divorce this year?’ - KEPT ON CONDITION. said one Chicago woman Housrwire—"' Mrs, Jones says she discharged you because she to another. frequently caught you listening at the doors.” “Oh, no. I believe 4 RIGHT AM. ACANT—"" Well. now, mum "— A isieg chometi Farmer Brown —'*Wa-al, by gosh! ‘Sixteen Well. I'll engage you on one condition. You'll have 19 patronizing home in- ramps t’ one haystack. Now I see wot free silver would. ing you overheard at Mrs. Jones's.” dustries.” mean,” to tell me every comicbooks.com