Judge — October 10, 1896 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

234 wudge REVEREND MOAKLEY MCKOON ON FINANCE. REVEREND McKOON, as he hurried down street and turned a corner, found himself in the centre of a howling mass of his parishioners talking on the silver question. “ Niggah,” “back rascal,” and so on up to “colored corrugated consumptive” and “dingbusted driveler,” were a few of the names he listened to. The pastor hurled himself into the midst of the debate as follows : “ Youalls ef yo" had fo'teen coppah cents an’ a tin box an’ a charter would be qualertied ter run a bank, De monetary league ob de worl’ would jes’ erbout fit yo’ across de small ob de back, What yo’ want is ter git on a parity wid a bump on er log. A free coinage ob brains would salubricate dis crowd so dat yo" could take er summah squash ter a mint an’ git a new think-box fer it, Oh, I knows yo' frum de back. Yo" want ter git yo" pomposity an’ bullheadedness demonetized an’ come undah de single standard ob common sense. Yo" heah me, Abum Garfeel Fitz Greene Smift? When I come up yo" was disco’sin’ erbout de quantity ob money per capita. Duz yo’, oh, duz yo" know what per capita means? It means ‘by de head,’ Now, yo" see dis amberill in my han’; well, ef yo" doan’ scoot aroun’ dat cornder in fo’ seconds I gib yo" dat amberill erbout four hun- dred per capita.” In two seconds there was only a yellow cloud of dust to be seen, out of which the Reverend Moakley McKoon emerged with a triumphant smile upon his face, and he tumed into the corner grocery to get a codfish, ALT. wompes, SAMBO'S HEREDITY. + +GAMBO, you stole a watermelon ** But, Sambo, you're a noted liar— Last night, from my back yard. ‘That mare you sold to me The punishment for such a felon And said she was a famous Ayer Should be severe and hard.” Ts slow as she can be” * Indeed I's berry sorry, berry, “ Bat [is not to blame fer lyin’; But 1 is not to blame; My fader allus lied, My stealun is hereduteray, An’ allus kep’ er falserfyin’ My granny did de same. Until de day he died My granny on my mudder’s side An’ dean yo" blame me, Massa Jim, Stole watermillions till she died ” Fer I inherut it f'um him.” \ wouldn't let m Tourist — Landlord BEYOND HELP. Westerner —“ Out in our mining camp we hunted six months for a horse-thief before wecaught him. When we came to lynch him he turned out to be A USE FOR THE RIG COAT. a deacon.” . Citarrig—"* ty Jove. e pen peat coos my Easterner —" Well, well. im. boy.” AT LAST. Urox her face you see no frown, However hard you scan ; For she again is back in town And once more sees a man A SENSIBLE REMARK. Aunt Geehaw —"1 declare, Joshua, | hain’t herd that long- haired city dude, boardin’ at the Hidgebees’, say a sensible thing sence he's been here in Nitville.” Uncle Geehaw (charitably) —"Don't be tew hard on him, M'randy. He was walkin’ with Sary Jane, down by the old mill, an’ I heerd him say tew her, yo’, “What a scene fer a painter!" An S Q ve a rou: baow: 1 hicken-cooy ‘Tue TatLOR—" H could have sworn that Tgaw YOU know the old mill do need —Shicken-coop for that fellow Chappie! I must have been mistaken,” © paint purty bad, m’ dear.” IN THE MOUNTAINS. Tourist —* Why didn’t you keey that in- valid gentleman through the summer that was here when I was up here last spring? He, seemed to be improving.” Landlord —* Couldn't. The authorities Why not?" “ He died.” A PLAIN CASE. “Yes, sir; the diagnosis of your case is perfectly plain. Vou have acute, Saddlesetis and Il’edaldria, complicated with Handlebaragia.” “* Last Thursday, Sambo, you were hired ‘* ‘Two rooms you whitewashed last ‘To hoe my’corn for me, But now I learn that you were tired And slept beneath a tre ** Now, Massa Jim, doan’ i Dat tree wuz splen'id shade — My mudder wuz de laziest critter De good Lawd ebber made ; So lazy she couldn’ skasely s An’ Linherut it fum her.” September, But I'm obliged to state You charged, as you can well re- member, You charged me, sir, for eight.” “* [fess dat wuz a drefile cheat, sah, But, de good Lawd be praised ! My uncle wuz de wust dea'abeat,sah, Dat Georgy ebber raised ; ‘An’ so I ain't to blame, Marse Jim, ‘Tank heaven, I ‘herut it fum him.” ** Ah, Sambo, you're a base deceiver, But sometimes you are true; You nursed my brother in his fever ‘And bravely pulled him through. It was a brave, heroic action, From what ancestor, now, Did you inherit this transaction ?” + T'll fess, sah, fair an’ squar’ an’ flat, Dat-T wuz 'sponserble fer dat.” ss A WISE SUPPOSITION, Most, Jonxsox —‘* Doahn't want to sell dat chicken-coop, does ‘squire ?" ERY—"*W'y, no; what would T want to sell my Most. Jonnsox —"' W'y, I heard yo" sold yoah dog ves‘d'y, an’ didn’ ‘spose yo'd hab much moah use foh a chicken-coop. comicbooks.com ; John nations Bub thrown ‘woman cles?”"- OPI If you wed From al cures ae feed ft Hace at “Ar “havi for me “You “You vertisi Ang Ameri in this uine, | \