Judge — September 26, 1896 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

D. O. C. ‘OT ees dees, dees d. 0. ¢. Dot comes on pundles dot's feer me? It all de dime ees marked mit prown On everydings ich puy een town, No matter vot ich puy me ] i A vagon, puggy, or a mare — | Dees mark vos hanging mit || de ting— No matter vot dose fellers \ pring. : Oot course ich alvays bay my vay Und neffer ask for time to bay. T alvays hav de gelt py me, Put still vot ees dees d. 0. ¢? A VITAL QUESTION. EGGY was twelve, and deeply interested in the study of “the first principles of the English language.” She turned over a page, then turned back and thoughtfully re-read the entire paragraph. ‘Then she said, “ Sister, how many square miles are there in the area of a vicinity ?” DESERVED IT. Mr. Hunker—"1 read the other day that a Chicago judge fined a man fifty dollars and sent him to jail for a week for at- tempting to kiss a woman.” Miss Kiltish —" Well, it he merely attempted to kiss her he deserved his punishment.” LOOKING FOR HIMSELF. [TWAS during a convention in Louisville, and people from all over the state, politically interested and otherwise, were tak- ing advantage of the excursion rates, As I returned to my through sleeper from New York at one of the wayside stations, where I had snatched a hasty but soul-satisfying supper of fried chicken and corn-bread, I was confronted by a long, lank, sway- ing specimen of the central Kentuckian, who preserved his un- certain stand on the lower step of the car by a more or less firm grip on the two hand-rails, His long coat-tails flapped about LUCID WITH A VENGEANCE. “* How are the potatoes turning out, my good man ?* Hain't turnin’ out. We hev ter dig ‘em.” How deep is your lot ?” (And hereupon the tourist took no further chances and went on.) if Hi dere — Mn | Don't know. Never dug down fur enuf ter find out.” nit H il METROPOLITAN PERVERSION. Uxce PoeNpry (savagely) —"' Darn sech a bunco taown, whar everybody and everythin’ wants ter shake hands with a feller !" his thin legs, his collar was very high and much too big for him, and his silk hat of the fashion of ten years ago was tilted in a mildly-rakish fashion over one eye. I made a polite but unmistakable movement toward the car. He did not move. “beg pardon,” I said cautiously.“ ‘Scusable,” said he, rashly waving one hand. “ Beg pardon, I wish to get in,” I said, more vigorously. He did not move, but he smiled a sweet, confidential smile and said, “ Mister, have you seen a tall gentleman anywhere, who is tolerably intoxicated ?” JEAN WRIGHT. YACHT-CAPTAIN —"* What do you make her out, Mate Mate —"An excursion-boat literally black with passengers, but with few people on ‘board ” VACHT-CAPTAIN —"* What do you mean ?” MATE —"' It's a colored excursion, See?”