Judge — August 22, 1896 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A HOPELESS CASE. Mrs, Otetimex —" So you think your husband has no idea of business?" Mrs. Nwy Not the slightest. Every time he goes shopping he buys something.” CUPID’S AMBUSH. UPID roving, plucking roses, Lo! in one a bee reposes. Bending o'er, to nearer view it, He was stung before he knew it. “ What a cute idea !" cried Cupid, ** Hitherto I've been quite stupid ; In a rose I too will tarry Till rose and me a maid shall carry ; When we rest above her heart I may ply my poison dart.”” Ckonce BinDsaye. ADVICE TO CIRCUS PATRONS. STAY away from the ticket-wagon and buy your ticket of the red-faced man under the green umbrella, Don't die of thirst ; red lemonade costs only ten cents a glass. When you buy anything always break a five-dollar bill. The wheel of fortune is out of repair and the little arrow stops right over a ten-dollar bill every whirl of the wheel. Stay for the grand concert. Do not confound this with the usual after shows, Don't fail to renew your acquaintance with the man with the shell game. Don't fail to visit the annex and buy a reserved seat at the other end of the tent, where you can’t see unless you hire an opera-glass for a dollar. A DOUBTFUL QUESTION. Mxs. Jackson —" Good lawd, ‘Rastus Perkins, how shabby yo’ look 1 opec’s yoaah mas gone off to some summah resort’ hain't she 7” *Rastus PeRkins —"* 1 don't know, ma'am—she's dead.” udge THE GREAT UTICA CAKE-WALK. EPPAMINT an’ heliotrope, crab-apple, new- mown hay, De exhalations filled de room like gahden flow'rs ob May; Dediamon’stried ter glittah, but dey seemed oppressed wid gloom Beside de ladies’ eyes dat flashed ~ an’ spahkled in de room. F'um Syracuse an’ Albany, Fo't Plain an’ Amsta‘dam, Cohoes an’ Rome an’ Richfield Springs, it was a puflect jam; De costumes ob de ladies was a terror faw weak eyes An’ de dress-coats ob deir escawts formed no resting- place faw flies. Dar on a gawgeous shoe-box might be seen de frosted cake, Its terraced sides an’ glowin’ hues of 's finest make; * Big enough faw two T’anksgibin’s an’ a Chrismus an’ a : ball— NS But de judges guy de ordah, * Sents will please stan’ down de hall.” ‘Talk ob poetry ob motion or de music ob de spheres, Or de fallin’ ob de rose-leaf dat de queen of fairies hears ! De repo'ters in de boxes sighed an’ fainted dead away Wren I headed dat p'ocession wid Miss Celestina Gray. De pa'r f'um Albany was tall, but what is dat ter grace ? Fo't Plainers tried ter come it, but dey wusn't in de race. Cohoes put on de dignerty an’ Rome put on de clo’es, But, lan’! we jess leaned back an’ smiled, an’ sighs ob joy arose. Syracuse an’ Rochester had diamon's by de peck, But when dey jess caught on our style dey tumbled down in wreck , A pa'r ob New Yawk niggahs dat had won de cake befo" Jess gib a groan ob anguish an’ collapsed upon de flo’. De judges had smoked glasses, but dey couldn’ stan’ de strain, A pa'r fum Saratoga made ‘em hab an inwurd pain ; Dey said dat dey was sassified wid twice aroun’ de flo’, De rest was distanced in de race an’ didn’ eben score. Den dem niggahs reached faw razzers, but dey couldn’ git de call—, De janitor done locked ‘em up below stairs in de hall ; An’ de music changed ter waltz-time an’ I floated off Miss Gray, De winner ob de cake-walk in de town ob Utica TIMROD JACKSON, M8, A LEVEL HEAD. “* Did yez hear about old Houlihan's level head ?” shteam-roller run over it. See th’ point?” Now his woife kin sue th’ ity fer damages. ' : i comicbooks.com