Judge — August 8, 1896 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W. J. Amex Baxnnan Giias 1. M. Gaacony, Editor, PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. ONTTED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE, One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy. for thirteen weeks’ = Including the Cumistuas Juocs. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreirn countries im the postal union, $0.00 year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupcE BUILDING). Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York, arantee advertisers a larger circu: thes gy JuDGE’s Lioany and Juvce’s Quawtamiy at all for sale at Brentano's, Avenue del Opera, Paris: Smith, Ainslee & Co.,25 Newcastle itreet, Strand, London: 'he International News Co. mi Building. Chancery Lane, E. Cx London: at Saar. Exchange. Mai : The International News Ce, Stephanstrasse Germany, and by . Switserland. Cable addres—" Joven: jom than any other American satiri- §8- NOTICE TO PURLISHERS.—The contents of June are protected by copy- fight in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be Promptly and vigorously prosecuted, TRE ARGUMENT of silver is an extremely earnest effort to show that two and two make seven, A CIRCULAR denies the existence of hydrophobia. But did they not put it in the Chicago platform? eee WHEN THOUGHT is photographed there shall be no more friendship and love will quarrel itself to death, see HE PERSONS who are reproducing Robert L. Stevenson’s household words are his literary executioners. HE QUESTION as to what to do has been postponed by some extremely conservative Democrats until after elec- tion, FIRST PLANK at Chicago —That everybody shall contribute to himself twice the money he has in his pocket, and nobody shall lose a cent. **GOWING THE WIND,” says the Rochester Democrat, speaking of the Chicago misfortune, Exactly; and very little of it got away, eee TWO WOMEN have shot at “Lucky” Baldwin at close range without hit- ting him, Must there be schools to teach these old ideas how to shoot ? the neighborhood.” JOHNSON —' DON ™. DICKINSON, says a contem- peony porary, wouldn't kick if he were go ing to be hanged, Well, he would kick during the performance, anyhow. ** WAR AGAINST Thomas Collapsed Platt!” exclaims the Buffalo Express, Mf the middle name is given correctly this is a case of hitting a man when he's down. eee WHEN MOTHERS presented their babes to Colonel North to be kissed the colonel invariably skipped the babes in behalf of the mothers; and yet that brave, wise man had to die! GRAVE OBJECTION is made to the planting at Yale college of a class vine taken from the grave of Robert E. Lee. It would have been better not to do it; but it isn't worth while to have another civil war about it. FOUR SISTERS graduated {rom a Wisconsin university were unable to go home because their trunks were held by the law for debt. They had availed themselves of the usual privileges of male collegians, imagin- ing extravagance and debt to be a part of the equality which so many women are eager to clutch; but they hadn't the dexterity to beat the law. Which shows again that the new person is unavoidably limited in her gift of wrong: doing. OPINIONS DIFFER. Mr. Wurte--"*I am glad that fellow Jackson has got out of REVOLUTION BY PLATFORM. THE SOUTH is in the saddle again. The Chicago platform is a decla- ration of state rights as well as of {ree silver. If, made to a large extent by Altgeld, it does not propose anarchy, it at least encourages revo- lution. And the right of secession has been openly declared by some of the silver radicals. FINANCIAL SUICIDE. ‘THE NATION that repudiates invites first its own destruction. It can hurt other ‘nations, but it cannot survive its own financial dishonor. It takes years to establish a national credit and good name that may be destroyed in a single election-day. ‘Suicide through repudiation is not the purpose of the voters under this government. THE ANARCHISTS. ILLMAN BOASTS of the fact that South Carolina was the first state to secede; and the platform on whict he stands obliges the president to submit to national bankruptcy, if that is impending, rather than issue the bonds necessary to save the nation’s financial honor. Secession, bank- ruptcy, repudiation, anarchy! It is a party worthy of Jefferson Davis, John P, Altgeld, and John Most. THOSE WHO HESITATE. HE DOUBT of some sound-money Democrats as to what to do will probably be solyed in the right way by the silent vote at the ballot- box, It involves serious thinking and finds it advisable to get around without a brass band. When it comes to the question of honesty or no honesty, or country or no coumtry, honest Democrats have but one choice. There were Democrats who began to declare for the war for the union in 1866, but they are mostly dead. FREE KISSING. THE GIRL of Chicago who goes about kissing men, regardless of acquaint- anceship and propriety, is too radical. She enlarges too much on the original propo- sition that kissing is good. She follows too faithfully the logic of Mr. Bryan and his followers, who never found a half-way house on any road they ever traveled, and never found a road without an abyss at the end of it. It is a new idea by an ap- parently recently- manufactured woman, and it is not good, We beg to bolt. THE JUVENILES, THE BOY ORATOR, in the view of Governor Stone of Missouri, is beau- tiful as Apollo; and a ‘Kentucky delegate says he is the world’s greatest orator. The character of the convention is very well indicated by gush. ‘It was effusively child- ish, both as to its appreciation and the fiendish desire of the usual small boy to run away and kill Indians, It could turn on its emotions either for horror or happi- *T dunno, sah, ax 1 be. Yo' see. he wus awful Ness at any moment, and its knowledge of ve aroun’ when chickens wus missin’. He wusallus its own griefs was acute, hysterical and voluminous. AGAINST THE FLAG. AN ILLINOIS LAW providing that the schools of the state shall dis- play the national flag during school hours was first resisted by Gov- emor Altgeld as trustee of the state university and has now been pro- nounced unconstitutional by competent state authority. A good deal of hair-splitting is necessary to such a decision as that, and even if it is cor- rect it was certainly not necessary. But the ingenuity of Altgeld in his dislike of patriotism and his affection for socialism is great; and it is not surprising that he should be conspicuous in all large modern Democratic gatherings. THE VIRTUE OF PROFESSIONAL PAUPERS. C IS THOUGHT to be to the credit of Mr. Bryan that he is a poor man. Now it is anybody's right to get rich if he can; but if poverty 1s the crowning virtue he is the best tramp who has the most rags. The revolutionists at Chicago didn’t want John McLean on the ticket because he was a millionaire and the fact hurt their feelings; but on second thought they found it advisable to have a barrel, and so they put up Mr. Sewall of Maine, who is so rich that he can spend a few millions in politics and never feel the loss of it. This rag-tag-and-bobtail party wants to be con- sistent, but it will take every dollar Mr. Sewall puts out and scream lor more. comicbooks.c jt, ‘om |