Judge — July 25, 1896 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UNCLE GABE’S SAGE SAWS. NEBBAH offah to he'p a man cut his own wattahmillion er tell his own story. Nebbah stay toe dinnah wid a neighbor w'en dey ain’ no fiah in de cook-stove, er his wife done got de toof-ache. Nebbah arsk a woman how ole she is lessn she says, “I guess yo’ an’ I "bout de same age.’ Fust marriages is made in hebben. but de secon’ an’ third ones does well enough by a good wa'm kitchen fiah. Niggahs gits saddle-colored mighty rapidly in de country whar de mos’ is said agin niggah equality. Eber’body’s mule kicks but mine, an’ he gits absen’-minded once in er while. Dey am plenty ob sult an’ plenty ob birds’ tails, but makin’ de connection am w’at worries dis niggah. Trubble am de umpire in de game ob life dat keeps hollerit Play ball.” A. T. WouDEN, THE COURT'S VACATION, JUDGE FERGUSON is not idle during his vacation, says the Pine Flat Echo, for since court adjourned last week he has improved his resi- dence by building a new sidewalk and painting his wood-shed. Next week the judge will dig his horseradish and pick worms off his tomato- vines, The judge hasn't a lazy bone in his body, uae Smit (on a visit to his friend D. artist) —* Dauber isn't here yet, so I guess myself comfortable till he comes, — her, the make — for comfort too! RLACK COMPANY (the art dealers, in “Heavens! look at that man walking coat! I'm your man.” with a ravishing landscape on his back !” —Everything is arranged with such nicety, and (Seats himself with his back to a Sfreshly-painted picture.) — Smit —"* What! five thousand dollars for my AN ART TREASURE. GRanpMa Jones (scolding)}—"* It's a blessin’ George Washin'ton never hed no children ter pester th’ life outen ‘im every fourth uv July. Wy, they'd hev druy th’ poor man crazy long ‘fore th’ revolution.” HE BELASCOED HER. His honor (pointing a judicial finger at the damaged Mrs. Murphy)— “What's this, Murphy? You are charged with wife-beating again.” Murphy (with a glance of righteous scorn at his accuser) —"" What's this ye're axin’, yer honor? It’s a monster—an unhowly baste of ingrati- tood, sor! Oi've been afther throyin’ to train the doom thing to play ‘ The Heart of Oireland.’ an’ to hov me arristed = = —Thiree o'clock! I've got another engagement ; guess I'll have to leave without seeing him.” Wire & Back compas’ “Oh, this is too good! Our fortunes are made comicbooks.com