Judge, 1896-07-11 · page 4 of 16
Judge — July 11, 1896 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains several satirical pieces typical of Judge's humor circa early 1900s: **"The Lass That Loved a Sailor"** mocks romantic misunderstandings—a man jealously assumes a woman's preference for sailors, only to learn she was complimenting the woman's hat, not the sailor himself. **"Pharaoh Objected"** is a historical satire anachronistically applying modern banking to ancient Egypt. Joseph suggests Pharaoh establish savings institutions; Pharaoh objects to calling them "Pharaoh banks" (likely mocking contemporary "bank" terminology or branding). **"Two Shavers"** depicts a haggling customer disputing a barber's price, with the barber suggesting he simply shave the customer's head—contemporary commentary on male grooming costs. **"Too Light for the Money"** advertises bicycles through dialogue mocking a dealer's claim; a customer references buying a heavier bike cheaper elsewhere. The scattered aphorisms ("Truth in Brevities," "Breath Preservers") offer social commentary on standards, women's suffrage, and racial stereotypes (the latter using period offensive dialect).
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Copyright by Schloss. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. it’s merry weather, And we thank our lucky star For the summer girl you are. THE LASS THAT LOVED A SAILOR. 6+] LOVE a sailor !" cried sweet Christine As we strolled this morning along the beach, And my landsman's eyes turned a vivid green As she dashed my hopes by this cruel speech. As she spoke she tilted her hat sidewise ‘To keep the sun from her laughing eyes. Hat to-night when, under the moon's soft spell, I told ker my love and my jealous doubt, * Silly boy ! she laughed, ** Why, couldn't you tei! "Twas a sailor-hat 1 was talking about?" While I feel rather flat, comes the ey Who doubts when he shouldn't 1 he ought. thought, not when ry. U Mag «WS TWO SHAVERS. Mk, SwINFLINT Toxson—" Ves, SKINFLIN What! forty cents for a little bit of a hair-cut 7” | having fifteen cents, hair-cut is forty.” * Well, then, shave it off ; warm weather s coming anyhow,” gum PHARAOH OB- JECTED. Se] F 1 may be so bold as to suggest it,” said Joseph 10 Pharaoh, after the wheat of the seven plentiful years had been ered into the store cities, “1 think it would be an excellent idea for your majesty to estab- lish institutions of savings throughout Egypt, in which your subjects may deposit their surplus earn- ings.” “ Well, now, Joe,” re- plied the Egyptian mon- arch, “wouldn't it look nice for me to start a lot of Pharaoh banks ?” TRUTH IN BREVI- TIES. A ROLLING stone may gather no moss, but let the cyclist beware. Perfection is attained only through a continual shifting of standards. Sage BREATH PRESERVERS. Ane. Harncase—'* Does yo’ know anyfing dat’s good foh shortness of breff, pahson ?” Paksox HogcaKe —"* Yais—lead a simple christian life, an’ doabn't do nuffin’ dey kin lynch yo" foh.”” Every moment spent in the society of an inferior is distinct degradation. ‘The woman who longs for the right to propose is evidently not bright enough to bring a man to the point, When one man learns to profit by the experience of another, one may look for mosquitoes | Drater—I'll sell you that wheel for fifty dollars. pounds.” Kupe Scupper (from Cearfoss Crossroads)—"* Why, my boy Ab bought one for twenty-five tother day that weighed ninety pounds. You van't soak me, by at Christmas and holly in June. There are two w her lover. by retaining him as her friend. TOO LIGHT FOR THE MON in which a woman loses One is by marrying him; the other DV KTLR KMED, It weighs twenty-two comicbooks.fom