Judge — July 4, 1896 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Whlge THE LOW-VOICED MAN. WE ALL meet him occasionally. ‘The man who speaks in such a low voice that it is next to impos- sible to understand him, and who aggravates us till it would be a re- lief to swear at him. Such a man was the Reverend Mr. D—. He was visiting a town in Ohio where he had charge of a church some years ago, Since then he had be- come a widower. While on the street in company with a friend he met one of the old members of his church, good Mrs, S—. Now Mrs. S— did not know of his loss, and, after cordially shaking hands and expressing her pleasure at meeting him, naturally inquired, “And how is your wife?” In his lowest voice the good man answered, “She is in heaven.” “Where did you say she is?” asked Mrs. S—. “In heaven,” repeated Mr. D—, no louder than UNcLe Jackson —“* Fo’ Goodness’ sake! ef dere hain't one ob dem hoop-snakes comin’ straight fo" me,— MAMMA REPROVED. MAMMA and Davie had been to church, and mamma had put acent in the contribution-box, which had not escaped the boy's observa- tion. On the way home mamma AVOIDING THE ISSUE. Wanperer—"* Lady, would yer assis{ a down-at-de-heel aristercrat ?” Lapy—"* What caused you to be ‘down at the heel'?” WANDRREI ‘Stone-ballast railroads, mum.” before. “Oh,in New Haven,” said Mrs. S—— genially. “I hope she is enjoying herself, Who does she visit there >” The friend standing by could no longer keep silence. found fault with the sermon. “Well, mamma,” said Davie in a lofty way, “you can’t expect very much for a penny.” “Madam,” said he solemnly and reprovingly, * Brother D—'s wife is dead, He says she is in heaven.” Hastily stammering an apology, poor Mrs. S—— bade them good- morning. She said afterward she was only too thankful she had not asked after the other members of the family. THE ‘“ TOUCH.’ EXPRESSIVE. 66P)O you want D to write an insurance policy for me?” asked a miner of the agent. “Not on your life!" teplied the agent promptly. ALWAYS LIK- ED IT. Mrs, Footlites— “T see that Barn storm is to play at the Mohawk “ne: week in répertoire Mrs, Noitall— “ Talways liked that ; play. What part —Massa Snake I does he take?” Smartalic— Say, Chappie, why is a chronic borrower like a man who revives old paintings?” Chappie—" Have to call you.” Smartalic—" Because he is an expert at re-touching.”” TWO SOULS WITII BUT A SINGLE THOUGHT. THe MayuN—" Th’ last drink of lickah I drank in Noo York was adulterated with watah an‘ it made me drunk, an’ a fool. suh !” ‘Tue coLoxeL—"'I beleeve you, majuh, It says here that a fellah got knocked out in Bicyciist—* Mugh obliged to you, uncle, for stopping my ‘one round by a punch.” bicycle-tire.” comicbooks.com