Judge — July 4, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE LIMIT. UT in a Chi- cago board- ing - house, re- cently, the land- lady's daughter, who assists at table, got off the usual after-din- ner rigmarole— “Apple, lemon, custard and rhu- barb pie,rice and tapioca pudding, and strawberry short-cake.”’ ‘The boarders all took short-cake. One lingered still at table when the young lady took her seat for ber own diner STRANGER—" Well, boys, how did the game go to-day?” ‘ Bovs—" We lost.” and he remars- StRan “* What have you got in that bundle?” ed, “You must Boys—" The umpire.” ly have been ‘long ‘on pie an’ puddin’ to-day, Miss ' Phebe.” A PATRIOT ABROAD. “Oh, my, no!” replied Miss Phacbe noncha- _ The manner in which a patriotic American ‘ lantly. See See fees to celebrate: she ploreons Paar “ But I noticed they all took short-cake,.” “That was all I had.” AFTER THE FOURTH. ; MORE OR LESS. Wet L, old chap, here's a last good-night ; ampagne 's a deluding fad. me HE said, as she read of her person rare, Hasten home in a bromo-seltzer mood y % In that daily delightful, the Wrangle and Year, __ And label yourself a cad. /] y] ** Reform is to heaven the great front door ; Should you think free lamp-posts waver \ MN E’en the press doesn't venture to fib any more.” With a microscopic ylare, 7 Look out for the one that's nearest, Said the “* very best friend,” the splenetic Miss Bess, For the other one won't be there. “ Not very much more—but not a whit less.” SAM ST. JOHN BRASIMALL When before your house, in pantomime, ‘\ Double doors rise up—beware | AT Put your key in the first one softly, RATHER PUBLIC. For the other will not be there, LW 1*S vious" Seems tol me somevof And if 4200 mothers-in-law you see ‘ Watching you from the stair, A i your actresses make their matrimonial status Speak to the cross one kindly, i rather public.” For the other one won't be there, f William Ann—* How so?" Should your collar become unwieldy f Lord Forgivus—“ Advertising in the dra- And fo buttons dart here and there, : matic papers as ‘not engaged.’ Mildly cuss at the one you're breaking, " \ For the other will not be there. And when your glass, pre-Kaphaelite, Presents a bunged-up pair, At the ugliest one gaze blankly, For the other one won't be there. Ver . SS A- FAMILY RESEMBLANCE, OLD Gorroxs (severely)—"* You say you are a count. I think you are the prince of fakirs.” Count PALMOFF (not up in English\—" | admit, monsieur, that there is a strong resemblance. How often have I been taken for that noble fellow! He is my first cousin.” comicbooks.com