Judge — May 30, 1896 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

3872 A THEORETICAL I Mrs. Faker —"t You TRUTHFUL Tomkins Mrs. FARMER — Trot uy afterwards.” led 1" A CASE FOR INOCULATION. THINGS had been going on rather too well for this particular summer gi The season was yet young and already there were two new members among her fiancés. Also her waiting-list was long But, being a versatile young woman, there were times when she was absolutely peni- tent. “It does seem absurd when you think of it,” she observed at such a time, " being engaged when one is not in love. Because. what is the object of it? 1am not going to marry any of them. Even if I were, why should being engaged to four be the best preparation for matrimony with one? The man in the sand at her feet dis- passionately threw a pebble at a passing dog. Heavy Hire: Showing the bones in the hand of Mr. Johnson Crapshooter, PRESE JOUNSON ( grabbing off his shoe)—* Call me out on strikes kase de las’ bat's broke, will yo'! I'l show yo' a strike." (Crack—siwats a three-bagger.) ou was a soldier in the late war?” 'm ; [wuz killed at Antietam.” FUL TOMKINS —"' Theoretically killed, ma‘am ; 1 wuz never heard * Why do you keep it up then?” he asked lazily. His had been a last-year’s affair and now he was not deeply interested. The girl thought for a few min- utes. Then she went into the ex- planation scientifically. “It's all from germs,” she an- nounced. They are in the air and I breathe them in. Cold weather kills them. They flourish about this time of year and cause engage- ments. “With special facilities for germ-culture attached to watering- places,” encouraged the man, “and a fully-equipped bacteriological lab- oratory within walking distance from which the microbes escape on moonlight nigh “Tam peculiarly susceptible,” the girl explained further, “to the horrid things. So that it is really not at all my fault.” “Not a shadow of blame could attach itself to you,” assented the listener politely. “ But since there is most danger to be apprehended from the germs on moonlight nights is it wel THE SPIRAL IN Akt, Beardsley undt Du Maurier Dhem got way oop on art, But if dhey leafes your Uncle Jake T baed you dhey vhas shmart, Mit dheir spirals undt dbeir circles, Dot vhas soothing to dher nerves ; Undt 1 vhas peen a crook mineself— Vhas you dead onto my curves? Il to expose the youths of the place by taking them near the laboratory, otherwise your piazza, when the moon shineth ?” “1 see where Iam wrong, sighed the girl “1 won't do it again. CATHODE RAY. ——_|srecntaroes — CE OF MIND. wis OE so KAIND AS Tok “Is that in the nature of a resolu- tion?” asked the man carelessly. “1 suppose so,” she replied mourn- fully. . . . Less than a week later the last man discerned signs of an extensive epi- demic of engagements centring around the young woman who had reformed. He exerted himself to tax her with perfidy. “Didn't you move a resolution that you would cease this sort of thing?” “I did,” she answered unblushingly, “but no one seconded it. Even with a man’s knowledge of business you ought to know that under such circumstances the resolution was not passed.” When the man came to she was gone. UNATTAINED, Aten CE Girvan we H, THE to-be-ness Of something. Deep in my inmost soul, Jostles existent Notness And crowds it to the goal. Alack! the am-ness Of nothing Rankles and ramifies ‘The slow to-be-ness Of something, And ever wins the prize We Je bastrTon, A KANSAS BATH. OYWVHAT is the matter with Kansas that every one who lives there is anxious to get away?" asked the traveler in search of information, * Why, it simply never rains there,” returned the hotel loung- er. “There is so little water there that once when I lived there I prepared my weekly bath for six successive weeks and set iton the Umph! table, and some feller aiways came along and drank it up.” comicbooks.com