Judge — May 23, 1896 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Baxwnano Gruen W. J. Amen 1. M. Garcons, Aditer. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITRD STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy. six months, or 26 numbers = 2.50 One copy. for thirteen weeks == 1.35 Tncliding the Curistas Juoce. FORBIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To alt foreign countries in the postal union, $0.00 year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupcEr BuILvING). Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. SB We guarantee advertia cal paper published. Tae Jou larger circulation than any other American satiri- juce’s Quarremty are all for sale at Brentano's, } 7 Ne de Stre Lender 7 Avenue de lOper Smith, Ainsice & Co..25 Newcastle itreet mn The International News Co., Breams Building. Chancery Lane, E. C. London: at Saar- \ch's News Exchange, Mains. Germany: The International News Con. Stephanstrasse 18, Leipric joth, Geneva, Switeerland. Cable £R NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS. —The contents of Junce are protected by copy- ‘git in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. [F ANYBODY nominates me for president shoot him on the spot WE, Russell, S O'ER THE PAST reflection sweeps I think I stole that verse for keeps.— Reverend T. J. Lee. RE T FIGHT between Congress- men Money and Hall shows that Money talks altogether too much. GREATER NEW YORK suggests to Chicago the annexation of the rest f Illinois and a large portion of San Fran- cisco, FITZHUGH LEE ought to have great sympathy for the Cuban insurgents. He has done a great deal of insurrecting himself. T 1S THOUGHT that the woman pop- ulist who kissed Ben Tillman intended at first to bite him; but as she still lives we judge that she didn’t do it. X-GOVERNOR RUSSELL says Jef- ferson might have written the stirring When part of the Venezuelan message. a man is dead he has no friends, SOME DOCTORS propose a law mak- ing doctors’ bills a preferred claim on estates, There is danger in that. Aren't doctors killing off men fast enough now? cee SOME PERSONS complain of the wo- man’s bible because it attacks a re- vered book. Now turn about is fair play. The book has abused her“ like a pickpocket” ever since it began. First Mes: Chimmie?* SECOND MESSE! fer de company. THE NEW KIND of Millerite calls the Brooklyn bridge to judgment. He says it will die of corrosion and rust in about five hundred years. This lets out the moth. [7 1S WELL, that Yamagata and Li Hung Chang do not meet in this country. Probably there would be no war; but the Chinaman, though good at running, is not a champion. ACH OF THE PAPERS that printed the confession of H. H. Holmes claimed with pardonable pride that its copy contained more murders and was altogether bloodier than any of the others. eee MISS RUSSELL contracts with her managers to pay a fine of fifty thousand dollars if she marries within a year. Genius has its hard- ships. It is'very pathetic to think of this lady weeping her eyes out every twenty minutes. WILLIAM R. MORRISON would like to have both a gold and a silver standard, but he says frankly that he doesn’t see how that condition is to be brought about. He wants to be an angel, you know; but, frank- ly, he can’t be an angel as long as he lives. THE REGULATION LABOR IDEA R-BoY—" How much do yer earn a week, -BoY—"* Oh, ‘bout five hundred dollars— lon't git but two-fifty out uv it meself, dough.” A PLEASING DANGER. M® DEPEW will speak for Morton at St. Louis. It might be possible for him, but for the large majority for McKinley, to get himself into as curious a position as Garfield did at Chicago; and. anyhow, the dele- gates will be tempted to remark to him, after the manner of Priscilla to John Alden, “ Why don’t you speak for yourself, Chauncey ?” THE RUSSELL HANDICAP. THE SUCCESS of ex-Governor Russell in Massachusetts is largely due to the fact that he isa mugwump. He got many Republican votes for that reason that would not go to him in a national canvass. He could not carry his state as a candidate for president. And there is a strong suspicion that the Democratic party has had all the mugwumping it wants. GENEROSITY IN RETURN. THE HYSTERICS conferred on so many American women by Pader- ewski may be overlooked now that he has given ten thousand dollars to the cause of music in this country; and indeed he shall be forgiven even his profuse and tangled locks and the utmost pounding of the uni- versal piano, Yea, let him come again and he shall be received with one grand, sweet song THE CENTRE OF POWER, HE CENTRALIZATION involved in greater New York ought to drive the Democratic mind to distraction. The mind has just suc- ceeded in harmonizing itself with the centralization at Washington which was so seriously threatened by the civil war; and it thinks the sense of power involved in large numbers is, if not ficti- tious, merely a pretty sentiment to be ad- mired only by women and children. And the mind could prove it if Jeff Davis were alive. THE LAST DROP. AN AUTHORITY says they think in Spain that the Cuban rebellion must be crushed if every drop of Spanish blood is spilled in the effort, But men who talk that way do not join the Spanish army They are doubtless brave enough, but the convicts and the poor and the very youny men who compose the army are the ones selected to lose the necessary gore. They talk: to be noticed, but they fight by sub- stitute. The last drop and the last ditch are old buncombe. TWO BUNGLERS IN THEFT. THE TERM “ unconscious cerebration™ doesn’t explain away the theft of Dr. Parker Morgan—the stolen sermon’ was too long and too large. And it doesn’t explain away the theft of his accuser, Dr. T. J. Lee, for the period of miracles has gone by. The facts are there. The only. question is, should the accuser in each case have gone to his erring brother and told him privately of his discovery? And if he had how might he reconcile his conscience with the proper demand for truth of an accusing public? WHAT !— INK? HE TWO MEMBERS of the lower house of our congress who threw inkstands at each other ought to be ashamed of themselves. What kind of a duel is that? When a man fights he wants to survive or die with his clothes in decent order. Blood is legitimate cleanliness ; but ink is an abomination, and was never intended to be wasted in that way. Shall it be said that ink is mightier than gunpowder or the sword? Sooner than that let it be proclaimed that there shall be no duels at all, though every man of honor die of the deprivation t— THE LOGICAL HEREAFTER. A DENTIST in Connecticnt says he expects to meet his pet parrot in heaven. We trust the bird has as good a pull of that kind as i master; but to admit the theory is to admit too much, A clergyman who has written a charming book regarding his several dogs expects to meet not only those animals in paradise, but all the animals and insects that ever existed, including mosquitoes, black flies, and the original tadpole. en he may be right; and it is a comforting reflection therefrom that we larger angels will dwell there solely in the spirit, so that our old compan- ions and persecutors will have nothing of us to bite on. comicbooks.com