Judge — May 2, 1896 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W. J. Ameete 1. M. Geecory, PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCKIB. UNITED STATHS AND CANADA IN ADVANCE, One copy, one year. or $2 numbers - $5.00 One covy. six months, or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy, for thirteen weeks - Ss Including the Cuxisratas Juoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To alt forcizn countries in the postal union, $0.00 a year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JuDGe BuILDING), Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation than any other American satiri- cal paper publishe Tae Jovos, Jun gy Avenue de l'Oper The Internatio 2 The In jonal News . Geneve jeerland. (27 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juoce are protected by copy- fnght in both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this copyright will be prompily and vigorously prosecuted. ESS for the first of May “It's your move.” L=t US REMEMBER that April snowses bring June rose: THE FINE tles the question as to what to do with our ex-presidents. MPLE of Harrison set- WE JUDGE from his letter that Mr. Car- lisle will run if he can, and if he can’t he doesn’t want to, LATT AND QUAY care not for ducks; but how many alligators did they get while in Florida for their health ? SOBRIETY and its opposite are indicated early in May by the success with which a man discovers his own domicile. TELL of a woman without arms a pocket-book from a shelf. She did it with her teeth, It was an improv- ed case of extracting without pain. F THE BUTTONS the McKinley kind predominates; and what an amazing fact it is that there isn’t a garment on which to hang one of the Democratic kind. SENATOR TILLMAN was abusive enough in his attack on the president: but, merciful heaven! Senator Allen of Ne- braska calls him the greatest mugwump in the world. mineselluf alone.” Hex pap—"M sheek as dot? INCE THE VOTE of two hundred and forty-four to twenty-seven in favor of Cuban freedom the lower house of our con- gress can hardly be said to be a house divided against itself. A WHACK at the sultan because of the recall of his representative in Washington is unavoidably postponed because the imperial old wretch isn’t guilty of it. THE IMPERATIVE CALL for Benjamin Harrison wiil probably come only from Mrs. Harrison, and will consist solely of the three syllables of the first half of his name, each given with extreme emphasis. LL THE GRASSHOPPERS will have the letters “ McK." stamped on their backs this year, and the very mosquitoes will sing for McKinley night and day, And the prairie-hens will be similarly marked and tuneful. Ahiwardt too much compliment b give themselves injury that might just as well be a tacking bi voided. and What is the use of hurting a man who, out of unconscious self-respect, is dying as fast as he can? A CRUST, Racuer. Isaacs—"* He shwore dot he lofed me fur ein Gott! did Rosenbaum haf such a Vhy, he vouldn't haf der nerve to shpring dot efen on a New York jury.’ TRACY. Rumor HAS IT that Reed is not Platt’s man, but Benjamin F. Tracy, who used to live in Tioga county, It may be true. The two were school-boys together; and Platt seems to know that it is extreme kindness to his “truly” candidate to bring him in as a surprise instead of killing him off with his open support. A BID FOR AFFECTION. MB. WHITNEY is said to have remarked, “I would rather be called Bill Whitney than President Whitney.” That man is sly. Men who are addressed in one syllable are generally good fellows and always popu- lar. Mr. Whitney couldn't create political aid and comfort more rapidly if he ran his trousers into his boots and chewed tobacco. THE FRIEND OF THE ENEMY. ET US CONSIDER the opposite of the jingo. His blood is cold. He hates the patriotism that has a hurrah in it, He looks with indiffer- ence on the flag, and sneers at the schools that are taught to cheer for it. He has the utmost respect for foreign views, and none whatever for those at home. He is the thing called a wet clam. Better a jingo than such a man as that, THE PASSING OF MARY ELLEN. MARY ELLEN LEASE carries a satchel with face-powder, curling- tongs and rouge in it. To that complexion doth she come at last—or rather she prob- ably has had it for some time. And it is a pity, It used to be said that no man who spelled negro with two g’s could ever be president; and it may be remarked that no person who wears a corset and paints her face can reach any high position whatever. THE INTELLIGENT GOAT, HIS GOAT ate a big red McKinley ban- ner. Feeling uncomfortable and con- fused, he presently found himself between two tracks of a railroad, with two trains com- ing from opposite directions. What did the goat? He calmly coughed up the McKinley banner, and found directly that he had flag- ged a Reed and a Morton train. We get the main facts of this story from the Buffalo Enquirer, aod that part of the story is a little doubtful. JUSTICE FOR CUBA. NE OF THE BLESSINGS of national power is the ability to give fair play to an oppressed and a long-suffering people. ‘The Cubans have suffered more and longer than did our army a hundred years ago, and it is monstrous that they should have gained no profitable sympathy during the previous war which lasted ten years. This congress has acted magnificently in practically giving them belligerent rights. That, if nothing else, will give it the right to be remembered. HOW C. VANDERBILT WAS SAVED. = WAS TALK of kidnapping Cor- s Vanderbilt and Chauncey M. De- pew during their recent visit to California, The story was perhaps a fake, but it involves a suggestion that has danger in it. If the ghouls of New York steal a dead millionaire, why should the banditti of Cali- fornia hesitate before the more agreeable task of hooking a live one? On the whole, we believe the story, and that Cornelius was saved by his faithful knight. ‘The banditti were afraid that Chauncey would argue the matter and talk them to death, NEW YORK FOR THE REPUBLICANS. UTCH COURAGE is the term to apply to the apparent desire of several somewhat inconspicuous young men to lead the Democratic ticket in New York state this fall. It consists largely of whistle. But the rule of Roosevelt doesn’t extend beyond this city; and the Raines law has many supporters here, while it is very popular up the state. The national interests involved are of more importance than local prejudices, and New York state will not give her electoral ticket to any Democrat. Then, too, the good citizens of this town and this state are not prepared to rehabilitate the partially resurrected corpse of Tammany hall, comicbooks.com |