Judge — March 28, 1896 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

242 Sade TROUBLE IN THE TRANSVAAL. OENIG WILHELM wired der dellerphone to Kruger, " Paul, weichgates? I hear you got some drouples in dot Oranges free shtates, But dhem got bounced ; you t'row dhem down afer dhem got a shmell. Allow me to congratulate ; you sent dhem English—well, Up in dieie drwvels fon outsides off dot Transvaal.” Koenig Wilhelm peen a Dutchman uf you come to size him oop; Him likes his weinerwurst undt krout, undt eats his noodle soup; He takes no Schomburgk lines in his, uf dot English boast pen true, Dheir drum-beats roll aroundt der vorldt, likewise dheir dead- beats too— UF bote off dhem got pusted dot's der pestest ding to do. So here's to kleine Wilhelm undt grosser Wilhelm too, Likewise dot dellerphone dispatch dot rings der goundry troo Undt cheers oop efery Cherman heart dot lofes his peer undt krout, Pecause it hints in dunder tones, ** Besser see what you're apoudt,”” Undt means, ‘ Uf you don'd like der show it's besser you shtay oudt.”” A PAVORITR. HYMN, BICYCLE FLIRTATION, RIDING straight ahead with con- fident air — This is my own wheel; I never rent, , Nervous glance from corner of left eye—Are my gaiters buttoned ? Turning first one way and then the other—What are your intentions? Determined effort to view the back of the neck—Is my hind-wheel on straight ? Down hill with both feet off the pedals—I am considered a little fast. Long skirt concealing the feet —Yes, thank you; the folks in Chicago are all well. Scorching —I do not care for your society. THE BALKY COW AND THE IRATE FARMER. A wrecked wheel and a girl in ith new purchase)—"' Gelang, gosh darn ye, or U'Il bang the head clean off o* ye!” tears—You have made a mash, ies Neth FARMER THE MAIDEN’S LEAP. GME gazed into his sweet, blue eyes; She longed to clasp his soft, white hand, To place on it a golden band, To bring a blush of glad surprise. She thought she'd won him, yet her heart Ofttimes had doubts ; had cruel fears When hope would drown in bitter tears, When they would seem to drift apart. Tut she her love in secret kept— Until she feared a rival fair. Vrocrastinate she did not dare ; "Twas leap-year— and the maiden leaped, = Farmex—" Thar, b' gosh! I guess ye'll come along naow. Git up, Nancy Hanks.” JUDGMENTS FROM MR. MCGARVEY. i » 9 ' $ H’ WISH-BONE av a kid sticks NG } A PES $ i out av his oyes. aN : : 2 Whe | It's th’ fast fellies—bad cess to ‘ee M. ee \ “em—that do be slow pay. Many th'woman’s good-lookin’ till sh’ foinds it out. Th’ chapest way t’ sind a tili- mn 's boy mail. Stoyle ’s what makes s’ many foine-lookin’ paple look loike th’divil. It's th’ newspapers a felly rades learn th’ truth av what ain’t so. Politics an’ religion won't mix atall at all, Divil a bit can a felly enthuze in chur-rch. DAVID M. TALMADGE, comicbooks.com