Judge — March 7, 1896 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W. J. Ament. Brwewarn Gittam 1. M, Gancony, Editor. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. ONITRD STATHS AND CANADA IN ADVANCE One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.0 ‘One covy, six months. or 26 numbers - 2.5¢ One copy. for thirteen weeks = nas Ss Including the Cumiststas FORKIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS To alt forcien countries in the postal union, $0.00 yr THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupce BUILDING), Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. $2 We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation than any other American satiri- cal paper published. many: The Intermatic &. dlteth, Geneva, Switeerland. §@ NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS —The contents of Juoae are protected by copy- Fight in both the United States and Great Hritain. Infringement of this copyright will be Promptly an4 vigorously prosecuted. [8 OUR OPINION Benjamin Harrison retired solely in behalf of Mrs. Dimmick. T 1S RUDE to call Senator Tillman a black- guard, and again it is wholly superfluous THE CHIEF ing-cup— blood,’ iption on Mr. Croker's lov- here is a fountain filled witn inse eee W'TH THE NEW LIGHT, any man should be able to see through a millstone as far as anybody else. BOTH IN MARRYING a rich widow and in joining Tammany hall O. H. P, Belmont shows that he is a brave, lisbury are very amiable. and it isa first-rate time to let the Monroe question and Venezuela drop. HE A. P. A claims a voting strength of three and a half millions. Perhaps we had better get ready for a fool president. LONG as the English government is run on its present lines Mr. Gladstone has no right to stay out of politics, much less to die. THE QUAKREL of the new women over the woman's bible will break up several organi- zations, but it may be the making of the book. HE SULTAN will probably do more killing to counterbalance his generosity in allowing Clara Barton to carry relief to the living in Ar- menia. A TIME! Dewey Eave— dat yer me wife?” Brake O'Day (dr: Dewey.” Vink yer are." SCHLATTER is not consistent, Why should he go into a chain-gang for vagrancy when he can make money enough to be at liberty and save lives? WHY SHOULD not Mr. Quay aspire to the presidency, as well as Mr. Platt? He would at least run on his own merits—not those of Governor Morton. A WOMAN WHFELER says she hopes to see the time when all the world will be awheel, so that she will cease to be a novelty. Ah, but probably then she will give up wheeling. [11S NATURAL that Representative Talbert of South Carolina should declare himself still for secession; but we should think, to make his words of some value, he would pull down a few flags and murder some- body. THERE CAN by no possibility be a fight between England and this country, as Lord Dunraven says, because the latter would not per- mit of fair play in the arrangement of the preliminaries, and England would necessarily haul off her gun-boats and retire from the contest in the highest of all possible dudgeon. Y WARNING ay, pard, hez yer got an idee sesily) Dewey Eave—"* Well, den jes’ remove yer feet frum de small uv me back er I may be tempted ter THE NEW PERSON. "THEY HAVE a woman who “chases” in Bloomfield, New Jersey. She follows boys and men and unprotected women at night, We have been looking for this. It is another evidence of the period of new ideas. Presently we shall have a woman horse-thief, and directly the country will be overrun with women burglars and women footpads. HUMANITY AND POLITICS, [71S SUGGESTED that our indifference to the woes and the rights of Cubans is as shocking as that of the Christian powers to the murder of Caristians by Turks. One can see what a muss we should get into by interfering, but the powers can see the same thing in their own case. There is no question as to the duty of humanity in both cases; but humanity is troublesome, costly and dangerous. FATE. MB: CLEVELAND allows it to be given out that he is thoroughly tired of the presidency and wants rest. We can well believe that this is true; but the shadow of a fourth nomination attends him like a tireless ghost and will turn and smite him at Chicago regardless of his protesting shrieks, It is so written. It is fate. For he is the only avail- able Democrat and his party in its dire necessity is merciless. POOR RICH MAN! MAaXY¥ MEAN THINGS are said of William Waldorf Astor merely because he is rich. Our newspapers call him a snob, and the Eng- lish newspapers sneer at him as an interloper: und his recently discharged editors sneer at him because of his audacity in trying to use his own property in his own way. It is tough to be rich. Let us hope that the malicious envy that follows the poor fellow will not eventually take off his head and give his carcass to the dogs. AN UNHOLY ALLIANCE. PLatr AND MORTON should get rid of each other. The support of Platt hurts Morton, and the probable fact that Platt puts up Morton in behalf of Reed is damaging to Platt’s character. The governor needs the anti-Platt men and he can't have them and keep Platt too. Can the governor merely ignore Piatt and the fighting which Platt causes? That is impossi- ble. The two must separate. And then, hav- ing got rid of each other, what a fine thing it would be for the party if they would remove themselves A GREAT STATE, ss THE TROUBLE in Kansas,” says a Kan- sas orator, “is that we have tried too much to reform the world and not enough to develop ourselves.” We should have said that the trouble is Mrs. Lease, but perhaps the ora- tor's conclusion amounts to the same thing Kansas is, however, a state of ideas. That fol- lows from the manner of its rapid settlement while old John Brown and a large part of New England, shortly previous to the civil war, were taking means to save the territory from the curse of slavery. HIS BIRTHRIGHT FOR A WOMAN. WEDDING in Chicago results in the man taking the woman's name and having permission to go where he pleases while the woman re- mains at home. The object in view, we are told, is to have the woman retain her identity, with all the benefits to accrue from her prospective fame; though it is impossible to see why she couldn't do that quite as well if she remained a maid, Nothing. it will be observed, is said as to the man’s identity; and it is a natural conclusion that he must adopt the woman's garments as well as her name. Queer world; and the new kind of epidemic is spreading rapidly. “+ Not on yer tintype A MUGWUMP MIND. ONE EVIDENCE of deterioration in this country is the fact that Pro- fessor Norton of Harvard college can see nothing good in it, though it is possible that the deterioration lies in his view as much as in the coun. try itself. He laments the prevailing college student, the existing news paper, the law-maker from congress down, and all the other persons and things, and sees no promise of progress in any direction, Now this is mugwumping to the verge of insanity. It is better to reflect that the Lord never intended perfection in the creation of men and women, and every wise man has stopped looking for perfection outside of this establishment. comicbooks.com