Judge — February 15, 1896 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae OLD JED HARKINS \,g Fresh cians} tyr N : hi \) ON WAR. ++ LANDS SAKES!" said old Jed Harkins to the cap- tain’s boy,“ this ain't goin’ tew be no war—leastways I ain’t seed no signs of it “Signs?” said the captain's boy as he put his hands behind him and looked inquiringly at the old man, “Yes, signs, by gum! I ain't lived through a war m’self without knowin’ the signs. Whar ‘s the fool poets with their eagles an’ mountain heights an’ seas of blood, an’ honor's turfy grave?” * Poets?” asked the boy as he moved back a little. Gosh! it’s like the curlews afore a nor‘easter—them poets with their banners an’ hosanners. An’ say, when you see all the paper an’ enver- lopes with a flag an’ a goddess of liberty on ‘em, an’ you see all the young fellers frum seventeen tew twenty gittin’ their hair cut so short that their hats blow off an’ toein’ out when they walk, an’ gals goin’ around with red eyes like their chimneys smoked bad at home, an’ a feller in a village that kin play a drum or fife made more of than the minister, sillickman an’ mayor rolled intew one, an’ when the one daily paper is read out loud at the post-office by the school- master, an’ when ole men on the way tew church stop tew split a sliver off the fence an "Yes, poets. “Shure, thin, now-a-days things do be comin’ toa pretty state—what wid murders, burglaries an’ highway robberies. ‘a cable-car shteals on three min an’ robs one o' thim of his life.” Mrs, Trévvet — Mr. Trivvet —" Well, | have often heard of deer stalking.” walk intew the churchyard a-whittlin’—say, when you see them signs you kin git a razor an’ go tew raisin’ a mustash, ‘cause they's goin’ tew be a war, Now you run along tew school an’ keep watch, Ole Jed knows, “cause he’s been th Ac. WORDEN, MRS. MALAPROP. VE kept you waiting—pardon me,” She said while hurrying down the stairs ; ** Twas so busy, when you came, Hanging some Turkish porte-cochéres. ** Where do T shop? ‘The fare from Washington ‘s so cheap On these communion tickets, and A good supply I always keep In Baltimore ; ** Last week I joined the Shakespeare club And, as I've made a trip to Rome, In * Romeo and Juliet’ I'm sure to feel myself at home. “ That statue with the wings? Oh, yes ; What prettier image could you wish? T'd only like to change the name— I always hate to call it Pish.” WRLEN Ww. GROVE. A NEW NO! Fatier—"* What is that soft, scratchy noise in the next room, which sounds like something ripping ? MotHer—* Oh, that is Maria learning to scratch a match ‘on her bloomers.” ott aM 1. YE MODEST MAIDEN. “ How dare you, sir?” JUDGMENTS FROM MR. MCGARVEY. [7'S.a lot o' yisterdays there do be a-comin’. Mim’ry comes handy whin a felly wants ¢' furgit. Pace, wid now an’ thin a foight, is a foine thing. Th’ loudest shpaker Oi iver heard kep’ his mouth shut. It’s play thot wur-rk wud be if a felly wor paid fur it. Winter niver stays all sum- mer in th’ heart av a true Oirish- man. Th’ felly what niver had t’ wur-tk don’t know th’ iligant toime he do be havin’. It’s a foine thing th’ asoy- lums do be a-tachin’ th’ deef fellies t" hear wid their oyes. DAVID M. TALMADGE, PROGRESS OF CRIME, Why, here I read that AN EXAMPLE, “Do you think the animals have a language ?” HER VALENTINE. ADY dear, you love me not ; You give me but your scorning ; But do not think yourself forgot This February morning. Last year I sent a jeweled ring, And your white fingers spurned it; You would not keep the trifling thing, But haughtily returned it. When I sent a box of flowers You would not stoop to take them ‘Though they were fair as silver showers ‘And golden suns could make them T sent you, too, my little book OF verses—and you spurned it; You would not at its pages look, But haughtily returned it. Lady dear, I send to-day A gift that you must treasure ; For it will come and it will stay, In spite of your displeasure My heart's best love I send to you, Blest, if you do not spurn it And blest still more if so you do: For then you must return it. FLORENCE MAY ALT. 2. YE MODEST MAIDEN. “Turn your face away." comicbooks.