Judge — January 18, 1896 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

mudge. Wz J. Arent Barwwaro Gietam. 1M. Geecony Editer, PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITRD STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE, Qne copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy. six months, or 26 numbers = 2.50 One cop¥. for thirteen weeks == 1.35 Tnclading the Cusistaas JUDGE. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To alt forcien countries in the postal union, $0.00 year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupGE BUILDING), Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. © We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation than any other American satir- cal paper published. The Jooos, June rary and Juocr’s Quanrenty ar de Oper P Smith, Ainaice & ve 18, Leipsic, Germal ty Ch. B. Aliol Cable addr “Junceane.” §2~ NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juoce are protected by copy- night in both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this copyright will be Fromptly and vigorously prosecuted. THE ORIGINAL JINGO was James Monroe, to be ashamed of it. d his memory ought to N THE FOG on this side is at war with Dunraven; so there must be no more fog. PERHAPS IRELAND will get home rule about the time that Venezuela loses it. THE MOTTO of the typical Jnter- Ocean Chicago woman is not so much 1 will” as “1 can’t. t JINGO for peace is the man who in the name of the church would kill the right of self-protection. A MR. WHEREAT, who was saved after an attempt at suicide, is thus enabled to retain the geography of his name. THE GREATEST, the most unnat- ural, and the most shocking war is that between the cuckoo and the mugwump. THE. RETIREMENT of Senator Cameron looks like the removal of something that on investigation doesn’t appear to be there. [UNCLE SAM has only one pair of legs. Therefore, while he must necessarily go slow, he mustn’t run a thet’s what I call cut leetle ile-lamp tew brimstun scratch-marks."* y. He might get shot in the back. MB: DEBS says he shall never lead another strike. Very well. That proves, as we have long suspected, that Mr. Debs is the ablest strike-leader the country has. THE STATEMENT is made by the Philadelphia Press that Chicago will capture Canada and make a ward of it; but it seems to us that it must needs be a ward of the nation. THE INSANE MAN who imagines himself both Commissioner Roose- velt and the pope would be quite rational but for the impossibility of twinship in one and the same individual. PROFESSOR BAILEY of Cornell says the Russian thistle is a bless: ing, because the farmer has to work hard to get rid of it. If that is wisdom or fair play we hope the professor will be covered with boils. MAN who fell his home by p at night in a cemetery says he was guided to ghostly dog. Perhaps it may not be said that the only good dog is a dead dog, but that kind certainly has superior qualifi- cations. A RURAL DEDUCTION. Unctr Wavnack (igniting a match on cigar.lighter torch)—" Naow furnishes th’ écs¢ five-cent cigar in th’ city an’ a ht matches on, so’s tew save his wall fram th’ pesky BY OUR WAR PROPHET. HE. KAISER ordains that his sailors shall stop shaving. So, as we have repeatedly said, the next great naval fight with Germany will take place just outside of Jericho. BRUTAL ABSURDITY. E HAVE THOUGHT that the meanest man is the one who clips and points his dog’s ears. He is likewise brutal and his idea of comeliness is ridiculously absurd. What, however, shall be said of the woman who carries such a mutilated animal around with her, and bestows the more affection upon it the uglier it is made to look? THE DANGER IN GOLD. LET US HOPE that England will kindly refrain from readjusting her boundaries in Alaska. Just at this time, we do assure her in the interest of peace, it wouldn't be advisable. Doubtless there is much gold in that country; but let us further hope, in behalf of peace, that it will crawl downward so far that it can never find its way to the top of the ground. THE RIGHT OF SELF-RESPECT. HE EAGLE is a wise bird. It is incapable of a chip on its shoulder, and it doesn’t scream for the mere purpose of exercising its power of noise, It merely proposes to keep its tail-feathers and to occupy the perch it has won, It really has the right of self-defense without subjecting itself to the charge of jingoism or extreme ferocity. SOME BRAVE BOYS. GATH™ proposes a monument to the war-correspondents of thirty years ago on the battle-field of South Mountain. It ought to have been thought of before. No braver or brighter men ever lived, and though they have made other men famous not one of them has the reputation he honestly earned. Let us resurrect the names of those splendid fellows who fought and lied for their country. A JINGO? A RUFFIAN who had inflicted in- _ jury on a harmless-looking man was promptly taken by his coat-collar and the after portion of his trousers and pitched into a convenient body of water. Well,” he said indignantly to the harmless: looking man when he got to shore, “you are the most quarrel- some person I ever met.” The harm- less-looking man said nothing, but the ruffian let him alone with the utmost severity. A COMPROMISE. SOME CANADIANS promise to fight to the last ditch rather than become a part of the union. But nobody wants to coerce them. Annex- ation by force brings no good citizens. Let them stay out until they come in willingly, if they come at all. But a protectorate might in a certain emergency become necessary; and as England would like to rule Venezuela in that way the principle of it might not be so very wrong. LET US HAVE PEACE, HEAVEN BLESS the peacemakers, for war is crime, War is also a confession on the part of governments that statesmanship, which in volves humamity and fair play, has largely ceased to exist. Governments that go to war unnecessarily are condemned by the best thought and the best living of the world, Heaven bless the peacemakers; but there are a few of them who want peace as the price of cowardice and at the cost of the triumph of injustice. THE KENTUCKY YEOMAN. THE FRIENDS of Governor Bradley are beginning too soon and going too fast. They say the governor is a very plain man as to looks and dress, that he wears a plain white hat the year round, and that he never wore a stove-pipe or a dress-coat. We shall hear, as the popular gaze turns its blazing light on St. Louis, that he chops wood and goes around reflectively with a straw in his mouth; and possibly that he has whiskers like War-secretary Stanton and never had blacking on his cowhide boots. comicbooks.com