Judge — December 21, 1895 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

: HE KNEW HIS BUSINESS—OH, YES! Conpuctor (on accommodation train)—"* Now just wait, uncle, and 1 will stop the train dead still for you You are apt to be thrown if you get off when we are moving.” OLD FARMER— Ye needn't mind stoppin’ still jest fur me, mister conductor. Onr artist was unable to catch the rapid evolutions which Mr. Farmer kin git off all right. I know my bizness, 1do! Uster foller railroadin’ myse'f when Passe through, but this is how he looked in the last act. Iwas a young man.” CHRISTMAS CAROLS. A HANDSOME present will often keep a girl from breaking the engage- ment. We are told that Santa Claus is for the young, and it may also be remarked that he is for the rich. Although we all have a good time at Christmas, no girl likes to admit that she has seen very many of them. Takeno chances with Santa Claus. If you bang up all the stockings you can find A WEALTH-CREATOR, * Madam, kud yer oblige me wid an apple-pie—a whole one, badly cooked an’ entirely indigestible?” Mrs. Faraxr—"t Why, what do you want such a pie as that for?" Dusty Derr: ambition ‘Il cause effort ; an’ effort ‘Il cause wealth ; an’ I'm out fer de dust, ma’am. you will be sure to capture everything in sight. Santa Claus makes the small boy feel proud, but it takes Santa Cruz to give his pa the swelled head. Some of the little African kings have about fifty chil- dren, The missionary who at- tempts to introduce Christ- mas and the stocking-hanging habit out there is going to get himself into a stew. The girl who is caught under the mistletoe by the right fellow is always rooted to the spot. “T’eat, madam ; only t' eat. Such a pie would create a bad dyspepsia ; dyspepsia ‘Il cause restlessness ; restlessness ‘Il cause ambition ;