Judge — December 7, 1895 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE BOSTON GIRL. G** Christmas sets her not astir, As many might suppose. She cannot celebrate with ber Attenuated hose. THE DEAD GULCH CHRISTMAS-TREE. +s VES," said Bronco Pete ax he toasted his spurs be- fore the stove of the Hail Co- lumbia saloon and directed a stream into the open door there- of that would have shamed a water-tower in action; “yes, th” {ellers decided t’ hev a reg lar ol’- fashioned New England Chris’- mas-tree. So we rigged up a pine-tree in th’ chapel, en every cuss chipped in four slugs, en we sent Alkali Ike down t Roar- an’ Gulch t’ buy candy en oranges en candles—candy en oranges. mind ye—fer every feller wuz goin’ v git a bag uv candy en a orange. jes’ th’ same ez when they used t' go t’ Sunday-school in th’ blessed land uv punkin- pie. Wa-al, Parson Biffbang he'd rig- ged up th’ tree. en every feller in th’ chapel hed his hat offen most uv‘em cryin’; en when Ike come out dressed up like Santy Claus~ why. stranger, th’ boys jes’ sim- ply bruk right down en sobbed But when th’ boys lined up t' git their candy en oranges en found out thet Ike hed got so blamed drunk in Roarin’ Guich thet he'd bought lemons ‘stead uv oranges —why, stranger, thar wa'n't nothin’ lef do but t’ string Ike up right thar, even ef he wuz Santy Claus. But,” he added, wiping a well-developed tear from his eye, “ th’ boys is goin® put up a nice jim-hickey tomb- stone on Ike's grave t' make up fer it— painted black with gold letterin’, same ez th’ new sign on Schwartzenburgh’s brewery, en with a white stone lamb a- layin’ on top uv it.” And Pete sighed deeply and remarked to the bar-tender that if he kept letting his fire go out lke that he'd stop coming “round thar.” THE BOY OF IT. Bobby—" Pa said it | was a good boy he'd get mea bible for Christmas. Uncle George —" Well, 1 hope you've been a good boy.” Bobly —" No, | haven't. 1 want a drum.” THERE WAS A COM- PENSATION, *sYOUR wife's illness was very long and expensive, wasn't it, Taddells ?” ~ Yes, it was expensive; but 1 figure that on the whole I sav- ed money by it.” “ How was that?” he couldn't get out of the house at all during the Christ- mas-shopping season.” PAT’S SIGNIFICANT WARNING. Pat—"* Move an wid thot chuue or i ll coom down there t’ bate th’ band.” A BALLAD OF ’95. ATILERED close to our Christmas fire, Mistletoe branching where all may see, Holly hung in the hall-way higher, Songs we'll sing us of Christ- mas glee. Friends have journeyed across the sea, So here’s to the smile and here's to the te None will care ar mirth to tire. Let us drink one glass to the dying year. Joys it has Lrought snd troubles dire, Birds of woe that refused to flee, Storms in the heart with rain and mire ‘That broke together o'er you and me, Bat suns shine brightest where dark clousts be, So we'll sing one song to an old friend dear, And we'll lay a rose on his funeral pyre. Let us drink one glass to the dying year. He has brought us love. As his days expire Let us say‘ God-speed"; ‘tis his rightful fee. As the old year dies and the new is nigher Let us stay by his side on bend- ed knee. None has been truer friend than he, And now he cannot our poor words hear, But he'll catch the sound of a Christmas lyre. Let us drink one glass to the dying year. Lgnvoi For a good old friend I make this plea. He will only be with usa little here, \ And, sweetheart, you must drink with me, Let us drink one glass to the dying year, KATE MASTERSON. HIS EYESIGHT DE- FECTIVE. Se] THOUGHT I saw one of the new women standing under the mistletoe as I came through the reception. room.” “No, Charlie; chat must have been one of the old wo- men. ADAM'S CHRISTMAS TOAST. TIE joyous season made him think They had no cause to grieve, And so he said, “We'd better drink A toast to Christmas, Eve.” HIS DESTINATION, S8YVHERE do you think you'll go Christmas?” “Mad, if the bills come in as {ast as they did last year.” comicbooks.com