Judge, 1895-11-30 · page 3 of 18
Judge — November 30, 1895 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Explanation for Modern Readers This page from *Judge* magazine contains several brief humorous sketches typical of the era: **"Negation"** mocks a poet's grandiose claims about his romantic verses, contrasting his boasts with the reality that his work merely bores readers. **"Johnny's Prayer"** presents a child's practical logic: he won't pray for rain to stop since praying for selfish things is wrong, but suggests his mother pray instead—satirizing childish moral reasoning. **"A Chemical Mystery"** jokes about a newlywed husband's surprise that his wife never used tobacco, implying unexpected discoveries in marriage. Other sketches ("Motherly Intuition," "Literature in the Barn-Yard," "A Popular Demand for It," "Knew His Ways," "A Strong Case," "Under the New Rules") offer domestic and social humor typical of early-20th-century American comedy—focusing on family dynamics, animal antics, and everyday absurdities rather than explicit political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
NEGATION. | REVELED in the sylvan scene, ‘The rustic bench, and corner quiet ; Before me stretched the carpet green, And roses bloomed in very riot ; I wrote sweet poems by the score— Ode, ballad, roundelay, and carol, Rondeaux and villanelles galore, And love-full lyrics by the barrel, And now ‘tis needful to exclaim, “ab, what a thing ‘s imagination !” The nap I took was all to blame For this unwonted inspiration ; For rural scenes my soul don’t stir (A bore is all that I e’er vote them), As for the poems—Jupiter ! I'm glad { only dreamt I wrote them! JOHNNY’S PRAYER. Mother —" No, dear; mamma can- not take you out walking now because it’s raining, but if you pray for it to stop perhaps it may Johnny (carefully trained) ~" Then Tl pray, mamma.” Mother (an hour later) —* Now, dear, we can go walking. Now does my little boy see the good of prayer?” Joknny (joyfully) —" Yes, indeed, mamma. Say. didn’t I just have bully Younc wirk —' fuck a-prayin’ that time?” YOUNG HUSBAN MOTHERLY INTUITION. Mrs. Gasnus (fo Mrs Slambang, whose daughter has been recently mare ried }—"* How are Amantha and her husband getting along in New York Mus, SLAMUANG —" Wretchedly. I fear; poorly, Iam certain, She writes that she is perfectly happy— but it is just like my poor darling to try and shield the wretch that way, But, no! she cannot deceive her own mother—no, no— far from it. I leave for New York to-morrow, to see things righted or know the reason why.” LITERATURE IN THE BARN-YARD. ‘SY DEAR,” said the female turkey to her noble spouse, “what is your opinion of the Thanksgiving proclamation?” tuft! "Then what would you have said?" “Gobble, gobble, gobble!” and the sad but pompous fowl strutted across the street. A POPULAR DEMAND FOR IT. ++ WE OUGHT to have a bicycle club,” said Jinx. “1 think so myself,” said Harkaway. ‘I wanted one the other to smash my machine for keeps.” KNEW HIS WAYS. Maisie —* Mamma, has gran‘pa sure gone to heaven ?” Mamma— Oh, yes, indeed, Maisie; sure!” Maisie —* Well, | bet be sneaks out once in a while for a smoke.” A STRONG CASE, Judge—"\ understand the murdered man was a peddler. know of any provocation he gave the negro race for killing him?” Prosecuting attorney—" es, your honor. We found out that he visited all the farmers just before Thanksgiving and tried to sell them a new kind of spring-gun.”” Do you Gul) | tiie | ING A CHEMICAL MYSTERY. Refore we were married you said you didn’t use tobacco in any form.” —" I don't ; these are cigarettes,” = mas Sn" ee tif gh) 1) UNDER THE NEW RULES. “What d” yer do wid der Goosehill team yisterday. Jimmy 7” ** Dey wuzzen't in it fer a minnit; we won by twenty-one points. Dey had six black eves, tree sprained ankles, two distercated jaws, lost ten teeth, one ear, had eight bloody noses, an’ tirty-two goose-egus on dere noddles. which makes sixty-two We only had t’ree bad eyes, four sprains, one tore ear. two broken noses, six missin’ teeth an’ twenty-five goose-eggs, wid a total of forty-one.”