Judge — November 23, 1895 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W. J. Ancens Brennan Grcas. T. M. Gercors, PUBLISHED ONC TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNTTRO STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE One copy, one year, or s2 numbers - $3.00 One copy: six months, or 26 numbers - 2.5¢ One copy, for thirteen weeks - 135 Incliding the Cwarstatas Jubce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS— Teo ali forcien countries im the postal union, $0.00 year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupcr BurLptNc), Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. reer circulation tham any other American satire: are all for sale at Brentane's, Smith, Ainsice & Ce.,25 Newcastle itreet. Strai B Ch Londo 's Lineany and Juncx's Quarres 18, Leipsic, Germ A lieth, Cable address—" Juvcnane. $8 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juve are protected by copy. ght in both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this copyright will be Promptiy and vigorousiy prosecuted. Cuari HE SITUATION in and about and regarding Corea is a tempest in a tea section, ROSE, apparently, merely that he might come down. WHAT THIS TOWN most needs, in the view of its the- atrical managers, is the horseless show. FIGHTING is bad enough, but why don't the legal authorities prohibit foot-ball and war? R THE ONLY WAR actually visi- ble is the alleged disturbance between Secretary Olney and his illustrious pantata, MURDERER HOLMES retires as counsel for himself in am- ple time to save the conviction of the judge and jury. . THE GREATEST DANGER that England is likely to en- HARMONY ? R. PLATT and Ben Harrison are united in one respect—both think there have been enough Ohio men in the white-house, Such har- mony on their part is both pleasing and surprising, though we suspect that it won't bear to be fooled with. FUNEREAL FICTION. MARY HALLOCK FOOTE kills off all the characters in her stories, good and bad alike. a snow-slide, When she runs out of ammunition she invents And one gets up from her reading- matter with the firm in- tention of weeping copiously, passing some resolutions, and wearing mourn- ing for thirty days. EXTREME HASTE. THE. KING of Corea made his wedding-feast from the baked meats served at his first queen's funeral, and his original heir-apparent goes out of the country to make room for one selected from the children of his harem. The recuperative powers of his majesty are so rapid and powerful that it ought to be found necessary to flog him and then reduce him to death or the ranks. ENGLAND'S DUTY IN TURKEY. THE POWERS should agree at once as to their respective portions of Turkey. If they can’t settle the matter they should begin to fight at once. The government must be destroyed in behalf of civilization, no matter how barbarous the consequent war may be. And if England leads in the dismemberment of Turkey she will have the sympathy of the best sentiment of the whole world. GOVERNED TOO MUCH. D® HEBER NEWTON wants a German Sunday here. Why that more than another kind of Sunday? Why not drop the ques- tion, leaving every decent citizen to choose his own method of recrea- tion on that as on the other days of the week? There is too much law about it. The masses are made to suffer for the sins of bad men. Let it alone and it will take care of itself. THE BARE—SCISSORS. THE SULTAN, terrorized, keeps himself in strict seclusion, Somebody ought to present him with a pair of scissors, though we dare say he wouldn't use them with the excellent effect that the late Ab- dul Aziz did his pair. That, how- ever, is his shortest method of re- oy OUGHT, counter is the threatened aid and comfort of the Chinese, Rowery Staccers (dropping a tear)—* Bill, did yer ever tink uv de trut’ uy dose beautiful lines, "An’ yet ‘tis little joy ter t'ink I'm furder off frum heaven dan when L wuz a boy’?” Buty Bit. (disgustedly)—"' Naw!" Bowery StAccers (plaintively)—“ Yer would, Bill, ef yer ol’ man hed lief, and we dare say he would be happier after the job than he ever will be otherwise—and so of the THE FIRST SERMON of Broth- er Talmage in Washington was so powerful that it brought down two ladies in a dead faint. HE BOOM of Colonel Morrison of Ilinois got between his legs the other day, and when he arose he felt as if he had had his first ride on a bicycle, JSPECT that Mr. Cleveland, like some others, will postpone his vigorous foreign policy until he gets back to the cracker-barrel of the chief grocery of his native town, MEDFORD, Massachusetts, presents the case of a man and woman remarried at night over the grave of the latter's husband, and so far as known the corpse didn’t turn over. ON AN INCOME of five thousand a year ex-Queen Lil really can’t have two palaces in southern Europe. can't play poker, like the late Mr. Kalakaua, She must remember that she HE STORY that the cloak of General Campos was recently pierced by eight bullets invites the question whether the general is a remarkably small man or wears an amazingly roomy outer garment. OBERT LINCOLN means just what he says in declining to be a candidate for nomination for president; but of course he can’t be expected to go around putting muzzles on, the mouths of his foolish friends, kep’ a Third-av'ner saloon, like mine did.” millions who live or die according to his orders. A SPANISH FIRE-EATER. A GOVERNMENT PAPER in Havana wants this government shot to death by the Spanish navy because of the celebration of a Cuban- insurgent anniversary in this metropolis. The paper accredits our national authorities with too much responsibility. We beg it to stop the shooting before it begins. The federal authorities could not have stopped that celebration if they had tried to do so, and we feel sure, besides, that they will apologize for it on demand THE KAFFIRS. WHEN A MAN can spend fifteen million dollars to back up the values that have made him rich, as Barney Barnato does, he has the art and the power of finance at his fingers’ ends. It is the ability of one to lift one’s self by the straps of his boots and throw himself over the silver and gold of the far-off moon, and the cow that jumped that luminary wasn't a circumstance to him. And what a warm, close, pleasing friend he is to the men who hold his stocks! THE COUSINS. EX-SECRETARY CHANDLER wants a war with England, to begin in Venezuela and end in the annexation of Canada. Such a war would doubtless find Russia on our side; and if in addition the most of the fighting might be done in Chinese waters instead of in South America we might vindicate the Monroe doctrine without loss of blood or treasure. And certainly England is going to have enough to do directly without fooling around either of these continents. comicbooks.com