Judge — October 26, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae LEMONS. Mrs. Flaherty —"\s this yer dish-clout, Mis- thress Hogan? No? Well, Oi tho't it moight be; altho’, be sure, since found it in the yard not a woman in the tini- mint ‘Il own to 't, it’s that shtiff wid dirt. Oi'm jist afther steppin’ out to the wm, Ries corner for a dhrap av BUNCO RETALIATION IN MAINE. whisky for me Jamesy; Mr. Kennrwunk—" Naow ter git sqnar’ fer th’ trick I he’s confoined from school hed played on me in York last summer, ‘Them old antlers are Reid Va pain in: his chist: Hap nce tony old caow hed ter be shot eunyway from atin’ limons; and a very bad oye from rub- GETING ON TO 11S LITTLE GAME, bin’ his oye absthractedly wid th’ pale. Bal cess to the Dutchman that giv’ ‘em to him ¢’ ate or to rub the oye out av himsilf wid aythur; for they do be fit for naythur one nor vother, and ‘ud shpile the best dhrink av whisky they iver was put insoide av! But ye see Dutchy had an inimy, the layder av a German band that was headin’ a Dimmychratic precission down the avenoo, and what docs Dutchy do but give all the b'ys limons t’ ate whin the precission was goin’ by his grocery, and divil asound could the min play on the horns at all at all; and the precission was deshtr'yed intoirely, and my Jamesy thot twishted wid cramps thot so soon as Oi get a dhrap av this whisky onto the insoide av him Oi'll be afther goin’ down and cuffin' the Dutchman's head up to a pake.” NNEBUNK (swith great show of indignation)—"* Ye consarned dude idjit! ef ye hain't gone an’ shot th’ fust-prize Jersey in all Aroostook, Nao plank over two hunderd dol- jers ef yer want ter git back hum with a hull skin,” UNFAMILIAR CELEBRITIES. THE pugilist who does all his talking in the ring. The contractor who does not always bring in a bill of “extras.” The woman who has the slightest compassion on an unfortunate one of her sex. The man who exacts payment of a debt on the hour and settles on the same basis. The woman who dd have some luck with her sponge-cake when company came, The German who cannot drink thirty glasses of lager-beer without showing the effects of it. The Bowery saloon-keeper who does not sell the largest and best glass of beer in the city for five cents. NATURAL CONCLUSION. A BOR LITTLE five-year-old Philip had evidently noticed that when his mamma THERA, WARNS Ves, ey oxIS get BAAN painte te cut his finger-nails the piece of nail which she cut off was crescent- season. Tve engaged a real burglat, a real prize-bghter, a real sculler, a real shaped ; so the other day the little fellow, seeing the new moon, ran into jockey, a real bunco-man, and a real police-captair the house in great glee, calling," Oh, mamma, tum see! Dod is tutting his * Why don't you engage a real acto fi * Well, say ! what's th’ matter with th’ police-captain ?” A HAIR-BREADTH ESCAPE. Foorran—"'T'll jest (biff!) soak dis college Rut he did not know that foot-ball hair was [_,, Of that Professor Slugdon. athletic and boxing. dood an’ go t'r00 ‘im.” primarily intended for protection of the skull_— _ instructor of Vale, only wore it to please his pupils, until he recovered consciousness at the station. comicbooks.com