Judge — October 26, 1895 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

.1E NUMBER ONE. “Now that we are married, Hettie, we will have no fur- ther secrets from each other.” ** ‘Then teil me truly, George, how much did you pay for the ring ?” NATURE’S ADJUSTMENT. HOW ice are Nature's small expe- dients ; How fitly does she place Man's features with such art as leaves the nose ‘The scenter of the face. MISS MARY ELLEN EAST- SIDE AND MAMIE DAR- LING, NE git roun’ where my cousin Mamie Darling is ‘tI don't feel like cuffin’ her head up to a peak. She's got such an aggra- vatin’ way of openin’ her big blue eyes at ye an’ givin’ ye that baby stare of hers. She's fat as a pig an’ deeper ‘n an arteeshun well, an’ romantic till th’ cows come home. From th’ time she was seven years old an’ weighed seventy pounds (an’ she’s been gainin’ ten poun’ a year ever since) she’s been thinkin’ up devil- try fur other folks ter do an’ git thumped fur. Twicet a year she gits a few weeks’ work trimmin’ hats, an’ th’ embrace you! He —" Later on, my love ™ Weary WILLIAM uage rest of th’ time she spends answerin’ advertisements that reads as if there was big money ter be made doin’ nothin’. She's. been ingaged. ‘leven times, an’ has had more ‘n fifty “affairs de cure,” as she calls ‘em; an’ she’s allus an’ f'rever writin’ poetry, an’ gittin’ me or some o’ th’ other girls to go an’ meet some fel- ler ‘t she’s been correspondin’ with an’ dassint face. 1 slapped her face fur her oncet, fur paradin’ me up lower Broadway with a green ribbin tied in th’ buttonhole of my jack- it, not knowin’ 't she'd agreed with some feller 't that was th’ way 't he was ter know her, An’ th’ feller never showed up; an’ quite unex- pected she slapped mine back. One day about a year ago she comes t’ me an’ says: “Mary Ellen, here's an um- breller 't I wish you'd go an’ pawn. It belonged t’ poor dear Walter Hemlock ; an’ ye know he’s gone t’ South Ameriky with a brokin heart an’ has most likely committed cewy- cide; an’ it fills me with unhappy WHY HE IS LUCKY. * Dat's a lucky cove.” Swipesy—" Why, he’s blind.” Weary WILLIAM—" Dat's why he’s lucky ; no one can’t tell him ter go an’ look fer work.” Sux —" Why not now ?* A SNAP Pat (in museum)—" Howly St. Patrick! phwat a shnap those bys must have had w'en dere old women jumped on thim for staying out nights.” WHY THE HUSBAND WANTED TO BE RESERVED. “am very glad to see you back ; let me me, remembrances, an’ you ain’t afraid of the pawn-shop; an’ we might as well have a little good time with the money.” I went an’ done it fur her an’ we spent th’ money on ice- cream sody an’ candy an’ India gherkins growed in Jersey; an’ about three months after she got a letter from Walter ‘t he was mar- ried, an’ a frien’ of his visitin’ New York would call fur his umbreller. So, as Mamie never has any money, I had’ ter hustle roun’ an’ git th’ umbreller, an’ she got en- gaged to th’ friend, an’ is yit. Th’ only comfort | have about her is ‘t she’s all over black-an’- blue spots most o” th’ time, from breakin’ down in hammocks an’ swings an’ reclinin’-chairs, Bob says ‘t me an’ th’ rest 0° th’ girls is jealous of her ‘cause she gits away with the boys. MADELINE OxVIS, THE DESCENT OF GIRL. O SIGNAL effort eer she made ‘Caused her so much disaster As when she climbed a load of hay And found she climbed down faster. He—" Because I have some fresh grapes with comicbooks.com a i a