Judge — October 12, 1895 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Photo. by Falk. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MRS. YEAMANS, Is this Cordelia that we see before us? What pleasing recollections it recalls Of days when local deama did not bore us, And Harrigan’s was crowded to the walls! days for you were palmy. But, in fact, Now, show ‘em how to act. MISS MARY ELLEN EASTSIDE AND HER VACATION. | GOT a chance t° go t Saratogy las’ summer. The She wanted one of the young ladies go with her, an’ she selectid me ‘cause she boss's wife took me. said ‘t I suited her compleckshin. too; an'a hat. No stylet’ th’ hat. it neither, an’ he says t’ me, you Bought me a suit George didn’t like len, by jimminy Chris'mas! If 1 thought -goin’ up there ter work th’ widder rackit on LOVE'S LABOR, Little Bille at the feet of Trilby. Suage some o’ them howlin’ swells, with them durn black things, I'd send that hat chasin’ your las’ summer's parrysol; an’ don’t you slip no cogs about it neither!” The parrysol was one ‘t he bought me fer not bitin’ my nails fer a month; an’ jest as soon as I got it I went t’chewin’ ‘em ag‘in worse 'n ever. So one Sund’y afternoon he fired th’ parrysol inter th’ East river. There really is nothin’ in Saratogy t’ amuse a young lady; no shootin'-jutes nur roller-coasters, nur nothin’, An’ as fur them waters! U-u-g-g-b-h! I got a chance t’ dance oncet at one o' th’ hops. I had on my white dress an’ I pretty near danced th’ feller t’ death. He thanked me an’ tol’ him “no thanks at all,” an‘ t’ jest go an’ take off his jew’lry so’s t’ light’n him up alittle an’ I'd give him another go. But he didn’t come round ag’in. I was out walkin’ one afternoon an’ a pasty-faced dude come up t’ me an’ touched his hat an’ says, “ Miss Cleveland, | believe?” “Which one of th’ dawters of th’ presi- dent of the United States was you takin’ me fur?” I says. An he says,“‘Oh, I beg youah pahdon ! But I mistook you foh a young lady membah of th’ foah hundwed that I met heah lawst summah. But weally now, isn’t youah name Cleveland ?” “No, but your name is Mud!" I says; “THE DARK AGES." “ No—that is, yes. “Tt was this way. man aboard who had seen two whale: how I saw a whale by proxy.” merous and costly. that Rose will continue to take in washing. HOW SHE SAW A WHALE, * +P) ID you see any whales while crossing the Atlantic?” said the stay-at-home girl to the traveled damsel. I saw a whale by proxy, I mean.” “ How on earth could you see a whale by proxy?” T had seen twenty-three sharks, by actual count, but not a single whale. ‘There was a nice young He suggested that | trade off ten of my sharks for one of his whales, which I did. That left me with thirteen sharks and one whale. SOCIETY IN RED GULCH. NEL SHORTY FRENCH and Miss Rose Jenkins were joined in the holy bonds of matrimony at the resi- dence of the bride's father at ten o'clock last Thursday even- ing. The ceremony was followed by a reception at which the élite of Red Gulch society were present. ‘The gifts were nu- Tt gives us great pleasure to announce A WATERLOO; OR, SKINNY UNCONSCIOUSLY AROSE AT THE Fatty Browx— dat T owes a lickin’, jest watch ‘im sli Dere’s dat Skinny Jones I'm heavier dan he is, so down der board inter me arms ter git his —— —medicine !” an’ as he was walkin’ off 1 hollered after him, “Stick by these Saratogy waters, Johnny. See if they won't put some pad- din’ in that holler where ver stummick ought ter be.” Next mornin’ after I got home t’ New. York Bob brought me my breakfist; a plate of fried pertaters cut about half an inch thick an’ a tumbler of saleratis water. Said he didn’t want me ter change my diet too suddint. MADRLING ORVIS, DOUBTFUL. Mamma — Libby, did 1 see John Sweetzer hugging and kissing you last night?” Libby—"1 don't think you did, ma; the room was dark.”” That's “a GAY OLD Dos.” comicbooks.com