Judge — October 5, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uape THE ELEPHANT AND THE DOCTOR. THERE is a story of Dr. Depew that he did not narrate at a recent distinguished function in his home. A short time ago an antiquated fellow from the couniry was on a visit to the metropolis. The fame of Mr. Depew was known even in the remote locality of his home, and this Uncle Josh had fully made up his mind not w return until he had seen all of the sights. So, after many inquiries, he found him- self at last in the presence of the great man, The old chap stood in mute awe exing the doctor for a minute, then said, Is your name Depew Ves,” was the reply. RECONCILED, O'HovLan —"* Hov yez bin tillin’ roun’ thot yez licked me ‘ e wanst wid yer oyes shet ?’ KEPARTEE IN THE DESERT. McGILLiGAN—" Oi hov, an’ Oi did ; but it's dramin’ Oi wuz at * If there's anything T hate it’s lion. th’ toime.’ Oi allus shlape wid me oyes shet, Pat—an’ wull yez hov Tl knock the spots out of you if you say that again.” suthin’ hot wid me now?” JOHN BULL RESOLVES. + VHEREAS, my last general election cost considerably over ten mill- ions of dollars and men spent as much as ten thousand dollars to be elected to offices that pay no salaries, * Therefore be it resolved that the extravagant expenditure of money in American elections is a grave and growing scandal which fills me with pious horror.” THE FAMILY DOCTOR. New resident (at Faraway)—" Who is the best physician in the place?” High local authority—" Dr. Germs, by all means. He is becoming a very famous man. Why, people are sending for him from everywhere. I advise you to try him.” New resident —" What is his specialty ?” High local authority (with pride)—" Autopsies, | believe, sir.” DIDN'T CARE TO PLAY IN HER BACK YARD. Gtanys (singing)—"* You can’t slide down my cellar-door.” Harown (iho has met a nail)—"* Yer kin betcher life I don't tanter any more.” “Chauncey M. Depew, I mean; the man wot works on th’ railroad fer them Vanderbilts an’ wot has so much ter say after eatin’ dinner.” ~T suppose so,” was the amused answer. The old fellow, pulling out a huge time-piece, asked, “ Wot time do you eat dinner?” “ About seven o'clock.” said Mr. Depew. _ “It's purty late fer me, but, by gosh! I'll be there fer ter hear yer talk. I've heered so much about wot yer have ter say after eatin’ dinner that I won't go back until I've heered yer too.” EXPERIENCED. Mrs. Jackson Park (at 4 Chicago wedding)— The bride has been married before, hasn't she ?” Mrs Gunnison Dearborn—* Oh, yes. This is her fifth inning.” UNDOUBTEDLY. Mrs. Cavwker—" What is the proper Style of address to an admiral?” Mr. Cawker —" Your warshi comicbooks.com