Judge — August 3, 1895 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A TRADE SECRET. INE friendis? Dose susbender vas made pefore dot rubber vas all used oop on picycle vbeels unde gloves for dhem electric delephone fellers. Dose suspender cost you now a tollar a pair, but I close out dhis lot for dwenty cents a pair, pe- cause I sell so many dot I can sell dhem for less dhan cost. Who dakes dher negst pair?” “1 don't see how sellin’ so many kin make any difference ef you sell ‘em fer less than cost,” said an unbelieving old farmer. “ Dot's pecause you don'd on- dershtand peesniss,” said the fakir. “Uf 1 could sell a million pair for ten cents a pair I could preak down for f-e-e-f-t-y t'-o-u-s-aen-d t-o-l-la-r-s;" and while the crowd laughed he closed out the last and commenced on white-agate buttons at three cents a COMMENCEMENT EXERCISES. HE. head-master distributed the prizes on class-day with appro- priate gravity, and among the names called that of a little chap of nine years, with this portentous announcement, “To James Colton is awarded a prize for general progress in mathematics * Jamie stepped up and took his prize with intense solemnity and then returned to his seat, where he revived enough to nudge the boy next him and ask in an awe-struck whisper, “Say, Jack, what's mathematics mean ?* NO MORE RISKS. St. Peter—" Waik right in, Mrs. Flatte; you are expected.” Ars. Columbus Flatte (of New York, hesitating) — “Ah —yes ; certainly! By the way, are those clouds asbestos ?” A CANDID FACT, CHoLty—"Aw, me good fellow, an’ what might you be fishing for now 2” Unctr Bex —" Waal, chile, Il not deceibe yo"; I'se fishin’ fo’ fish.” SURPR Jake—" Come along, Dob ; here's a nice bottle of cider I've hooked off'n the new boarder.” “They ain't no flies on us, is they 7” THE VIRGINIA-REEL AS DANCED AT LONG BRANCH. SOME FADS AND Y =LLOW shoes— Black paint. Golf—Join a base-ball nine, A superfluity of thirst—Acquire chronic laryngismus Theosophy—Live im a town where there is no library. Paresis—Die at once ; it's only a question of time, anyhow. Cornet or flute—Move to Oklahoma or the desert of Sahara. Poetry—Drown yourself; the attack, once on, is unconquerable. Bloomers — A good strong wind and plenty of friends and acquaintances to look on, New woman—If single, a husband (if you can get her one); if married there is no help for her. The itch of authorship— Cultivate a taste for terrapin and goose-liver pie; then you'll have to adopt some other means of livelihood to satisfy your cultivated tastes. THEIR ANTIDOTES. 8 / ISED. P, S.— It was a bottle of champagne. “Don't t Uncle Abel the beads © of os el the f tovem, W Mes. W aren Teeth gums, alla 25 rivera. The un Dry bnite all good j pointi he replied Ieintro ‘Tending The vee Ladies’ Type In rhor Itgives Compa Teta th From 3 Hones Ciocio: comicbooks.com