Judge — July 20, 1895 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W. J. Angee. 4 ASE Gunaoett RPBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO ‘RIBERS. UNITRD STATES AND CANADA IN” ADVANCE. One copy, one year. or s2 numbers + $5.00 One copy, $1x months. or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy, for thirteen weeks = 135 Z Inclading the Cwwistatas Juoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To alt foreign countries in the postal union, $0.00 a year, THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupce BuILpiNc), Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. (AO THE PUBLISHERS of the New Vork weekly JUDGE notify the public that the use of JUDGE im locat advertising schemes by printing and inserting advertising pages between ite leaves it a direct violation of the publishers’ rights under the copy: right law, and all copies of JUDGE are sold upon the express condition that they witi not be used for such purpoues, No one is authorized by the publishers to use JUDGE in this manner. and they will take prompt measures to stop anybody from 40 using their paper Notice is hereby given that the United States circuit court has recently granted an inp2nction restraining the use of JUDG. JUDGE PUBLISHIN "10 Fifth avenue, New York, $97 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Junce are protected by copy: ght in both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. AS GOES KENTUCKY so go a majority of the Kentuckians, y YORK is too big a town to be uttered in any one syl- ne ED has shaved off his mustache, and it looks now just as it did before. JO THE MAN who is impecu- nious—Why don’t you call a free-coinage convention ? F RICHARD were to have his trouble over again he would offer his kingdom for a bike. = KIEL CANAL is named to the memory of a dead emperor and the glory of a very live one. fF y [T OUGHT to be obvious to boat- ing parties by this time that the only safe way is to stay on top of the water, ¥, t i ys A DETECTIVE is most outrag- ed and angry when somebody picks out the real criminal and lets his innocent man go free. PLACES FOR WOMEN to smoke in are becoming numerous; so that we must consider not only the prog new personage. WE ARE TOLD by the Albany Argus that they are calling Governor Morton “the old man behind the smile, of that paper will have to grin and go sober. J Weary Riper (the tramp) ss but the retrogression of the nd we guess the editor eo. WE DON'T believe George Gould will break his heart because he h been blackballed by a swell polo club in Paris. cheap, anyway; and polo is no game for a sailor. QUE MAYOR omits the word obey in his performance of the marriage service. That is well enough, but we do insist that he shall not apply it to the wrong person if he happens to revive it. Horses are dirt ROYAL BATTLE for the Democratic delegates of this state is said to be pending between Whitney and Hill; and the former is un- doubtedly preparing for it because he says he won't run. THE REVEREND ANNA SHAW says, “If 1 had the tobacco and liquor bills of this country I could buy all the bonnets and have money left.” It is apparently a simple problem in mathematics with her, the waste of the wealth on the bonnet not being considered at all. Der ol Ly TIME—ABOUT JULY, ‘96. wheels about the place you could give a poor man? THE BELATED ALLISON. R. CLARKSON recalls the dinner of the millionaires to Mr. Blaine, and says Mr. Allison is totally without hunger anyhow. ‘There is something in that; and at the same time Brother Allison must not come into New York like a postscript next time. Better wait until the surviving meats have given way to a brand-new banquet. A MELANCHOLY EXHIBITION, R. SUTTER, a school trustee of College Point. Long Island, objects to the bicycle for lady teachers because the mounting and dismount- ing of the same give rise to immoral suggestions on the part of schol- ars. Nobody but Mr. Sutter could have thought of that, we feel sure; though really in most cases the suggestions are more apt to be extremely pathetic, CQ) THE SILVER QUESTION there is a fair prospect that the two great parties will stand in the middle, if they happen to know how. Of course they will be for “sound money.” with the flatness of the Cleve- land foot. The exact meaning of the phrase may be inquired into; but we must remember that platforms are necessarily brief and the intelligent public is surely competent to arrange the little details, THE LINE OF SAFETY. SOME OLD-TIME IRONY. THERE 1S NOT that air of superiority in addressing the college grad- uate which once prevailed in the leading newspaper. The editor perhaps feels that, after all, he carried in his own large head more assur- 4 ance and gaudy confidence than the youth whom he lectured with such caustic humor carried in his. There were too many feathers in several places at that time, and the blister- ing editor had them in his own locks without the slightest information as to their extreme proximity. THEY DON'T “ CONSIST.” seyou MUST MAKE youah ahticles consist, gentlemen.” said the Kentucky editor-in-chief to three of the members of his staff who had handed him as many to- tally different views of the then ex- isting Franco-German war. There- upon he took the introduction of one article, the body of another, and the conclusion of the third, pasted them together, and sent the whole to the printers. The gentleman is still living, and he unmistakably ed- ited the late Kentucky Democratic convention, which put a free-silver man on a sound-money platform. PENALTIES OF SUCCESS, MES. HopGson BURNETT says if she had known the alties of fame she would never have written a line. We have lately heard, too, of a number of millionaires who haven't been happy since they got rich, But the lady keeps right on writing and the millionaires go right on making money. Whatever is is wrong. and the fortunate are the most unreasonable. Doctor Holmes’s man who wanted to be a boy again said he would ¢ his children with him on the return journey. Now this will never do,” said the doctor. “The man would be a boy again and be a father too.” xcuse me, miss; but have you any old Mine is about used up.” pel © to - OUR LOST FRIEND. LECTRICITY is opposed to the horse. The horse-auctions have humiliated him, The bicycle has superseded him, Some legisla tures have pretty nearly succeeded in driving him from the track. It re- mained for the Evening Post to give him the final blow, and hereafter he will appear merely to apologize for living. It is unfortunate that one of the great parties has not adopted him as a partisan Bucephalus, but they have selected in his stead the cumbersome elephant and the eccentric and unhandsome jackass. Backward, still backward, he has steadily gone like the American Indian, While the buffalo has faded out, the horse is superfluous, and is discussed for his meat, his hide, and his adaptability to the glue-factories, It is an evil day. ‘To what shall we give the admi- ration and affection that have been felt for that noble animal ? about the speed of the v: We may nnot have affection for inanimate things; and with the horse gone there can be no legitimate and soul-stirring swap. ious wheels, but we comicbooks.com