Judge — July 13, 1895 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

22 Suage REVEREND MOAKLEY MCKOON ON BICYCLES. $+ MAH frien’s, let us regahd de bicycle as a type or symbol ob de human ‘sperience. “In de fust place regahd de mattah ob learnin’ toe ride dat ma- chine. Yo" got toe learn fo’ yo'se’f shuah. Dere ain’ no book ob in- strucshuns gwine toe keep yo" frum barkin’ yo" shins an’ peelin’ yo" nose le yo' is learnin’, at's jes" like id de soul. Den yo" notice dat yo" got toe keep it balanced. Pump- in’ hahd er scorchin’ doan’ do no good less’n de wheel am balanced See how menny men dey am ‘ike dat, mah sufferin’ bacilluses. Dey kin run like a house afiah, but dey ain’ balanced, an’ de fust yo’ find out dey am in de ditch, Den dey all got a kit ob tools wid ‘em in case wo'ms, ain’ yo’ got patience, hope, yo'rn? Whad’s dat ‘ere roomatic frien’s? An dat tire gits busted an’ de win’ all let out yo" cums home on foot an’ ‘cross lots. “ Lasteenthly, obserbe de fact in a bicycle, mah melancholy microbes, dat de onliest way toe keep it straight is toe keep it goin’, an’ w'en yo" stops it tips ober. Is dere a lesson fo' us in dat? I should smile, W’en yo’ stops yo' falls down. Keep a- movin’, De faster yo" go de straight- er yo'go. An‘ now, mah corpulent coons, we cum toe de handle-bars. Dey controls de machine, Dat sig- nifies faith. Sum o' yo’, mah frie looks at life as a long hill, an’ puts yo' feet up an’ goes coastin’ toe de bottom. Bettah put down dem feet an’ put on dem bra “Appendix numbah fo'rteen. Whar is de iler toe dat bicycle, mah small polliwogs ? De collecshun wich Lam ‘bout toe take up is de iler toe de ‘ligious machinery, an’ dey break down, an’ oh, mah po'r charity an’ faith in dat tool-bag ob tire, filled wid win’, but pride, mah ** Hello, baby ! T see you. “Well, ‘show yer hand an’ let's see wot yer got.” AGGRAVATING, fat dot | can't bick it up the loss of your dear wife, Srosser himmel ! to dink dot I findt a tollar bill und den pe so ef yo" doan’ chip in lively yo'll git a hot-box on yo’ machine, er in de nex’ worl’, TOO MUCH FOR HER. Doctor—" How is the patient to-day ?” Nurse— Not so well, doctor.” Doctor— Has she been over- doing >" Nurse—"1 think so. She had me prop her up in bed so that she could write her weekly article on athletic exercises of frail women.” DOWN dy the blue and shining sea I took my bright-eyed baby- daughter. She clapped her hands and squealed with glee, ** Oh, see ze great big soda-water !" TOO AWFUL, Pastor—"' Yes, my dear friend ; you have suffered a terrible affliction in _, THe BEREAVED ONE—"* Yes; but it isn't as bad as it might have been, ‘She was going to commence wearing bloomers had she lived.” comicbooks.com