Judge — July 13, 1895 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

\ Y A GOOD MAN GONE WRONG. NEAR-SIGHTED PARSON (af Sunday-school picnic, thinking he has discovered the boys in bathing )—**Ah, what a refreshing sight! What animal spirits—what exuberance and wild abandon! Cleanliness is next to godliness, my lambs—only don't lose your stockings, or get your shirts on wrong side out, or "—— CHoKus (of indignant teachers)—"* S-i-t 1" ° “ALP. A” MV PARENTS never thought they'd give me trouble with my names When they generously christened me Abijah Parker Ames! They came of old New England stock and tilled New England ground, And everything about the place had a good New England sound ; The love of country they esteemed the crown of their old days— They didn’t know some value it according as it pays; And that is why in bitterness of heart I'm led to say It’s no one's fault if my initials spell out “A. P. A.” I do not mix in politics, and yet I registered After a scene which puzzled me before I said a word. For I stammer so I thought I'd write and give my name that way Instead of stuttering it aloud—so I wrote “A. P. A” — And then before I had a chance to finish “Ames” a poke I got in the short ribs at which I thought they would have broke, INCONSISTENCY. Y ARM had but to touch her waist, Regardless of intention, To bring a blush upon her cheeks, And looks which haunted me for weeks Too numerous to mention. But as I watch her in the surf Thoughts through my brain are rushing Old Ocean clasps her form so pure— 1 wonder how she can endure His embrace without blushing ? WILLIAM GRRARD CHAPMAN, JX. NOTHING IS LOST. DEAFENING crash followed the blast. Rocks flew helter-skelter, breaking a plate-glass window in the house opposite, where resided one of the tribe of Levi. The contractor at once appeared upon the scene of dis- aster, paid the damages and departed amid smothered exclamations of “Ishaac! Ishaac! Vot for you so slow? Shcrape up der proken pits there und shell ‘em to der dhime- museum glass-eater !” Jonrs — "It's such a nice day believe I'll run out and see Suburbs, as be has asked me to do so often, — Whew ! didn’t expect such a shower as this. — —Confound that stepping: stone, — And a voice almost as brutal as that poke roared in mine ear, * You blanketty, blanketty, blanketty, blanketty blank, get out of here!" T did not know what I had done, or why T had been done— I knew, however, I had best look out for number one, And when I got a confidential clerkship I felt sure My blundering initials could worry me no more ! My business letters put my lawyer bosses in a glee Until they saw my signature, and then they fired me; For every one of them was signed, as I recalled next day, ** McManus, Flynn & Rafferty, Attorneys—A. P. A!” JON rave pococe. HIS ERRAND. SoVWHERE'S the boss?” said a customer as he entered a Brooklyn barber-shop. “tle’s gone over to New York to get his hair cut,” was the reply. PATCHED BLOOMERS. If she will wear trousers she will have to accept the consequences. — Great Scott ! he thinks I'm a tramp.” —What a lot of burrs" Sunurns (next day)—"* Well,when are you coming out to see me?” comicbooks.com