Judge, 1895-06-01 · page 4 of 16
Judge — June 1, 1895 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains several unrelated comic sketches and humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century satirical magazines. **"Red, White and Blue"** is a patriotic poem about American sacrifice, likely referencing WWI, using the flag colors as metaphors for valor, death, and peace. **"Her Description"** makes a joke about artificial blonde hair dye—calling a woman a "chemical blonde" rather than a natural brunette. **"Practical"** satirizes schoolteacher logic: a student parses "Mary" as the pronoun in a sentence about milking cows, suggesting the teacher is interchangeable with farm animals. **"Abnormal"** depicts a doctor-patient exchange where a husband's drinking is so obvious he can't hide it by trying. **"On the Shelf"** features a mother worrying about her son visiting unmarried girls; he reassures her they're "engaged"—then reveals, ambiguously, one is engaged *to him*, leaving the mother's concern unresolved. The humor relies on the double meaning of "shelf" (storage/spinster status). These are disconnected, lighthearted domestic humor pieces.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Midge RED, WHITE AND BLUE, HE red rose of valor that flushed the brave cheek ; The white rose of sacrifice, holy and meek , The blue ranks that heard the death-messengers speak. ‘The red blood of carnage that vext the wet sod ; ‘The white form of death where the great armies trod ; ‘The blue of dim eyes as the soul sped to God. The red of the sunset that ended the day ; ‘The white clouds, like angels, that stooped o'er the fray ; The blue of soft skies where the dead soldier lay. ‘The red rose of love 0.1 “te warrior’s still breast ; ‘The white rose of perce north and south, east and west ; Forget-me-nots, blue, vize-e the brave takes his Test. S148. GRORGE ARCHIMALD. HER DESCRIPTION. Se YVHAT sort of gir! s she— brunette?" “N he's a chemical blonde.” PRACTICAL. cer —"* Now, Tommy, parse the sentence, * Mary, milk the cow." rouaty (af the fast word)—" Cow is a pronoun, feminine gender, third person singular and stands for Mary.” ‘Teactier —"* Stands for Mary ?” Tommy —" Yes, ma‘am ; for if she didn’t how could Mary milk her?" Wire ring to visiter)—""Ach | mein Solomon " Visitor —"* Und is he so pad?" Wire —"' Lieber freund, T can do nodings wid him . He take no indruss in nodings ; he say he shall die, Do say somedings to rouse him if you can.” Vistvor (aloud) —* “1 unnerstan’ dose funeral-directors haf a meeding to- day und raise der brice to bury people dirty-dree per cent.” Ixvatip —"* Rebecca, if you gif me my clothes I dink I set up und eat somedings. ” ABNORMAL, Wire —" John, you've been drinking. You show it.”” Husbanp —"* How?” Wire —" By trying hard not to.” ON THE SHELF. ss JACK,” said the fond mother’s voice, trembling with emotion, “ where are you going ?” “Only to call on a girl,” he answered, and closed the door and was gone. ” My son,” she asked him next evening, “are you going away again?” “Botheration, mother! I did intend calling on wo girls —both on the shelf though, so don't worry. However, I'll stay at home if you wish.” “No,” she answered sweetly ; “no danger there, for both are engaged, you say.” “Very much so,” he replied, and, slamming the door, thought, “ By Jove! what would she say if she knew one was engaged to me VAN DE ven, comicbooks.com