Judge — May 4, 1895 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

290 uae FRAGMENT OF A REALISTIC NOVEL. HE physician felt the old man’s pulse as he sat on a stool in the kitchen. ‘The patient was a man of four- score years and the lamp of life. burned low, Watch in hand, the physician low voice, “Tsaid yesterday that he would live until three o'clock to-day. It is now two-forty- five. ina * Where did you get that h?” whispered the old man. "I got it with a hundred Havana cigars for four dollars and ninety-eight cents,” said the medical man in a firm tone, “It is then as I thought,” cried the patient in a glad tone of voice ;* by the right time it would be six o'clock day after to-morrow, and I feel hungry. Tear up my will and fry me some pork. That watch has stolen a day out of eternity.” ‘The physician turned so hastily to leave the room that it wound up the watch in his hand, A SURE WAY. Mrs, Badger —* But how do you expect to get your house-rent free?” Mrs, Soakitt— | intend to let out the hall bed-room.”” Wir wat IT MADE THE MACHINE TIRED, ‘Tur vat oNf—" That doctor of mine didn't know what he was talking about when he told me to ride a wheel.” A SURPRISE, MIS DEPARTURE. This is Rob Senior, graduated with honors and with the laurels of the foot- ball championship still upon him, leaving home for his new position in the im- porting house of shove, Push & Co., New York. Wire (sereaming)—" John ! John ! wake up! I just dreamed that you died and went to heaven,” HusBAnb (drowsily)—"* Well, what of it?” yire—"' Wake up, John! Don't you know that dreams always go by contraries?” BAD NEWS, THE JANITOR, ITH iron hand he rules the flat, And many things forbids ; If paid he'll let you keep a cat, But draws the line at kids, EXPLAINED. Cobwigger —" Brown said he caught a twenty- pounder, but it didn’t look to me to weigh more than ten.” Merritt—"You must re- member that when Brown goes fishing he is sure to see double.” CONNOISSEUR. EVER touched was his heart By inanimate art, He by marble and canvas was bored ; But he went forty nights To see Venus in tights, And the girl in the frame he adored. CAS HE ARRIVES, Orrice-noy (severely)—"' Are yon de new clerk? Well, hang yer hat up on dat nail, brush yer hair an’ black yer shoes ; den come to me an’ I'll show yer how to unlock de safe an’ take de books out.” . I comicbooks.com,