Judge — April 27, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GREAT SCHEME. Wirr—"' John, here's the grocer’s bill unpaid, the coal-dealer has threatened to sue, the milkman has discontinued his service, and the cook leaves to-morrow unless you pay her at once.”” Huspanp—" My dear, 1 am a bankrupt. thousand a year to-day to ‘save my credit. Stave these people off until my income-tax cheque reaches the bank and then I will be able to ‘borrow a thousand or two without collateral.”” SAFE OCCUPATIONS. HAT are your rates per thousand for accident insur- ance?” asked a nervous customer as he peered over the desk of the Indubitable Dower accident com- pany. “ Depends on your occupation. Do you belong to the preferred class?” asked the clerk. “ What is the preferred class?” asked the nerv- ous customer. = “The preferred class is composed of doctors, lawyers, clergymen, and Cuban revolutionists. They never die except of discase and old age;" and he shoved out a blank application, With a sigh the nervous man turned away. He was night-watchman in a Broadway candy-store. RATHER LOUD, Why do you call my trousers barks ?” Mrrtox—" Because they are a little too loud for pants, my boy.” T had to swear to an income of twenty’ 269 AN ACCOMMODATION TRAIN. [8 A certain state of the south there is a railroad which is leased for one cent a year and which has only one train, which makes up in accommodation what it lacks in regularity. It stops anywhere and everywhere. Ata certain crossing it always stopped to take a dozen eggs which a widow sent to town every day. One morning the widow came out and said, “I'm mighty sorry, Mister Conductor, but I've got only eleven this morning.” “ Never mind, madam,” he replied cheerfully; “ we'll wait.” IDENTS OF SUBURBAN ‘The one advantage of our suburban board-walks when they get in this condition is—— Se —he next will kindly assist you to rise, WINKED THE OTHER EYE. $4 JOBSON’S fiancée is not pretty.” “No. But every eye forms its own beauty, you know.” “Humph! Jobson’s glass eye has come in, after all, then.” HIS GOLDEN WEDDING. Jonesley —" Coming around to my golden wedding next week 2” Brownkins (indignantly)—" Your golden wedding ! man, you're not thirty-five.” Jonesley —" No, but I've bagged an American heiress,” Why, comicbooks.com