Judge, 1895-04-27 · page 5 of 16
Judge — April 27, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical sketches typical of late 19th/early 20th-century American humor: **"Great Scheme"**: A husband admits bankruptcy while proposing to delay paying servants and creditors until his income-tax refund arrives—satirizing financial irresponsibility and the then-novel income tax system. **"Safe Occupations"**: An insurance clerk lists "preferred" low-risk professions (doctors, lawyers, clergy, and Cuban revolutionists), leaving a night-watchman rejected. This likely mocks American sympathy for Cuban independence fighters and the absurdity of calling revolutionists safer than ordinary workers. **"Rather Loud"**: A pun on "loud" trousers (garish patterns). **"An Accommodation Train"**: Southern railroad humor about a train so slow it stops for a widow's eggs—gentle mockery of rural Southern inefficiency. **"Winked the Other Eye"**: A joke about a man with a glass eye whose fiancée isn't pretty. **"His Golden Wedding"**: A man celebrates his "golden" wedding (50 years) at age 35 because he married for money—satirizing wealthy American heiresses as marriage prizes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
GREAT SCHEME. Wirr—"' John, here's the grocer’s bill unpaid, the coal-dealer has threatened to sue, the milkman has discontinued his service, and the cook leaves to-morrow unless you pay her at once.”” Huspanp—" My dear, 1 am a bankrupt. thousand a year to-day to ‘save my credit. Stave these people off until my income-tax cheque reaches the bank and then I will be able to ‘borrow a thousand or two without collateral.”” SAFE OCCUPATIONS. HAT are your rates per thousand for accident insur- ance?” asked a nervous customer as he peered over the desk of the Indubitable Dower accident com- pany. “ Depends on your occupation. Do you belong to the preferred class?” asked the clerk. “ What is the preferred class?” asked the nerv- ous customer. = “The preferred class is composed of doctors, lawyers, clergymen, and Cuban revolutionists. They never die except of discase and old age;" and he shoved out a blank application, With a sigh the nervous man turned away. He was night-watchman in a Broadway candy-store. RATHER LOUD, Why do you call my trousers barks ?” Mrrtox—" Because they are a little too loud for pants, my boy.” T had to swear to an income of twenty’ 269 AN ACCOMMODATION TRAIN. [8 A certain state of the south there is a railroad which is leased for one cent a year and which has only one train, which makes up in accommodation what it lacks in regularity. It stops anywhere and everywhere. Ata certain crossing it always stopped to take a dozen eggs which a widow sent to town every day. One morning the widow came out and said, “I'm mighty sorry, Mister Conductor, but I've got only eleven this morning.” “ Never mind, madam,” he replied cheerfully; “ we'll wait.” IDENTS OF SUBURBAN ‘The one advantage of our suburban board-walks when they get in this condition is—— Se —he next will kindly assist you to rise, WINKED THE OTHER EYE. $4 JOBSON’S fiancée is not pretty.” “No. But every eye forms its own beauty, you know.” “Humph! Jobson’s glass eye has come in, after all, then.” HIS GOLDEN WEDDING. Jonesley —" Coming around to my golden wedding next week 2” Brownkins (indignantly)—" Your golden wedding ! man, you're not thirty-five.” Jonesley —" No, but I've bagged an American heiress,” Why, comicbooks.com